Even if it's "only" implied, mark it NSFW.
This sub grows hornier by the day
At one point I'd suggest that's impossible because there's an upper limit on horny, but this sub has proven that if that's actually true, the limit is astronomically higher than I previously thought possible.
It's really like the visible universe vs the total universe. There is the horny we can see and "catalog"... for science ... aherm, and then there is the horny that we know is outside of our visible range but we know exists because of the physical constants our collective reality is based on.
Or we could think of it as "dark horny" is orders of magnitude larger than anything we can see and exerts an unseen but measurable force on everything.
What if we put the horny into r/humansarespacebards
Horny quarantine zone I'd say
Yeah, that'd be great because honestly every time I come here with an urge to write something I see one of OPs hornyposts are immediately lose my interest in writing.
Yea and I made the sub specifically for horny posting but all of it is just cross post from here
Yeah, and this sub will die unless the mods do something about it.
Maybe not die, but it'll stop being about writing prompts.
Excellent suggestion and seconded
“60% horny posts. Not great, not terrible”
“THE DIAL ONLY DOES UP TO 60%!”
Time to write some honest explicit porn to relieve the tension!
Have you not seen the space dildos we launch into space?
the most human thing of all
What exactly is the almonds which activate here?
All that google has taught me is that Bitter almonds will insta-kill hamsters and that Russia found a creature which has almond tasting blubber.
That and how to "activate" almonds via salt water.
I am at a loss.
The reproductive organs that store/produce sex cells are almond-shaped.
Ah, thank you. The things one learns.
Thanks for the actual answer
See, I thought in-shell peanuts were the symbol because they are paired.
Also, eggs are more complimentary size wise. Nobody wants to be compared to peas except steroid junkies.
It's a joke about brain activity increasing/ being aroused about something.
So we get them horny cause we’re literally hot?
Many lizards on earth are the same. Gators being the most extreme example.
Well damn I guess I know where I’m taking a vacation to.
But not Space Australia. Space dingo will eat your space baby.
We get it, you’re from Space Australia!
No, I just know someone from Space Australia. Space Brisbane specifically. I am from Space Germany, the home of Space Napolehitler.
Apparently it was actually the dingo and this whole story fucked over her life, on top of having a dead baby
That whole thing was a true story and a tragedy. She was innocent. Dingos killed her child. She was imprisoned because authorities didn't bother to search thoroughly and blamed her.
Like the on that got me sistah, poor sheila...
Ah, thank you.
What does that have to do with almonds though? I'm still not getting it?
Is the almond the brain or a reference to gonads or something else?
Bitter almonds insta-kill hamsters??
Jeez, It's too bad that your favorite hamster died shortly after you pissed me off \[Insert name\].
Yeah, The cyanide in it is at such a high content as to just do them in.
is that moon knight?
What is the context for this Moon Knight panel?
Probably sabol fucking with moonknight.
The croc-lady is Ammit. She was the BBEG of the season.
On a personal note, I low-key envy Steven here; her voice does things to me🥴
In other galactic news the human race has been banned from System XJ-9. One too many incidental heat frenzies has cause the local planetary governments to deem humans too dangerous to be allowed to wonder around unattended.
Human governments have made very clear complete understanding and only ask that humans who are already in relationships with XJ-9 citizens be allowed in and out of the system and that the trade deals that have already been established continue to be honored.
xj-9 - has vietnam flash backs from My life as a teenager robot-
There will be halfbreeds of everything when we're done
Theoretically at least some those half breeds would be able to produce a lot of heat, but also be a lizard. Making them constantly horny.
I can already smell the fan fictions of that.
This is humanity we're talking about, other species will be lucky to have recognizable [quadroons](https://youtu.be/3HHRfuLVfls) by the time we're done.
What a weird boner
Well, color me scaroused
Oh to be Steve rn. Ammit lookin fine ad hell
A1:"Humans are hot!"
A2:"I mean they must be, we have three beings in our department alone in a relationship with one."
A1:"No I mean they have a high average body temp. Their nearly at waters boiling point, and their 70% water!"
A2:"oh yeah that too, it's a big draw in the cold blooded community."
So many humans will die by snu-snu
Or the other way around... imagine a race that had female genitalia designed to massage a guy to completion without ever moving and still get off, herself. We're jackrabbits compared to that. They'd be in so much trouble...
I see you've been reading The HEL Jumper
An honorable death
Ah, Mr. Knight and The Devourer.
almond status: activated
"Tinza, remind me. Why is this diplomatic meeting being held specifically at 50°F aboard my station?"
"We are the closest neutral grounds with a sustained approval rating above 60% based on cultural exchange for both parties."
"The 50°F is my focus? I mean, one is half a step away from just being Nagas..."
"... and the others are Lords in an arid desert system, where 50°F is bunker weather."
"Al says because you'll look like a floozy otherwise."
"You're just tempting me to go in there in nothing but shorts aren't you with that comment. When has my attire been an issue."
"It's just a suggestion to wear heat shielding."
"Tinza, I run rounds during cycle 3 in different parts of the station for fun and to get my steps in. Engineering 105°, Botany 87°F, Extended Hydroponics at 94°F. Ran all the way to shielding relay at 25°F to enjoy a beer with Mik', Hibernation ranges from 0°F to 55°F depending on the season, and you think I'll put on a sweater for company."
"The Warlords have 'snu-snu'd' 32 humans to death as your regular body temperature is percieved as being in 'heat' to many species."
".... how many attempts?"
"So not a zero.... how many species?"
"I'll put on some shielding. One more question."
"25 of 62. The previous captain earned that 60%+ rating."
50°F is equivalent to 10°C, which is 283K.
^(I'm a bot that converts temperature between two units humans can understand, then convert it to Kelvin for bots and physicists to understand)
This is the best bot I’ve ever seen!
Damn that croc tryna devour somethin' else there mister moon knight
Where can I sign up to be the bed warmer of that croco waifu???
This should be on r/humansarespacebards
It's always the argonian gals that go for the hoomans.
Death by Snu Snu? I'd be okay with this.
Why does the cold blooded reptile have mammaries?
Watch or read Moonknight, she's based on an Egyptian goddess, ya'know, human bodies with animal heads being a common thing for them
Because this sub is mostly just hornyposting now.
She's part mammal too. Lion and hippo. So technically she's more mammal than reptile lol
For better cuddle s
Because fuck you, and also sniddies.
I will die on this hill rather than give it up.
I reasoned that she's also mammalian but I think I prefer your argument 🤔 Very admirable conviction 👍
Op, mark for NSFW.
Cold pillows owo
Ayo is that Ammit? AND MR. KNIGHT??
*slurp slurp* sauce ?
That guy is definitely rock hard
Would be quite impressive if he isn't.
Because the square cube law, small creatures usually radiate more heat because they have a larger surface per volume ratio, and thus, radiate energy easier.
Thats kinda hot.
I thought only mammals had breasts?
Only mammals have mammary glands. Other animal's cam have a pronanc3d chest by those tend to be muscular
why da crocodillian got tiddies?
Are they venom sacs? Are they hidden pouches? Air bladders for better bouyancy?
Why there crocodillititties?
Well in this case she is Ammit a Egyptian Goddess, wich means she is basically a Anthro Crocodile, at least on MCU, on the real life mithlogy the upper part is of a croc, the middle part a Lion and the bottom part of a hippo
Ah so she should have at least 6 more titties, if the middle part is a lion.
On real mythology yeah, but on MCU she probably is just a humanoid croc, considering that all body parts shown of her are crocodilian in nature, but I think they didn't show her torso and legs
“Almond” scent is also heavily associated with cyanide, fyi
Was haben wir doch gelacht. Kirk seine Abenteuer und die unzähligen schlüpfrigen Geschichten. Ich habe ein wenig in den Logbüchern nachgeschlagen. Kirk und die Gorn? Ein Planet voller Weiber und der Kampf war nur der offizielle Bericht. Keine Seite wollte veröffentlichen was wirklich passiert ist.
A1: "Oh, was für ein stattlicher … Mann du bist?"
Die fünfte an diesem Abend. Wie viel Ausdauer hatte Kirk? Die Förderation musste über 50 Jahre daran arbeiten das nein wirklich nein bedeutet.
J: "Es tut mir Leid wenn ich Ihre Aufmerksamkeit erregt habe. Meine Wärmeausstrahlung ist eine Eigenheit meiner Art. Ich habe kein Interesse an der Reproduktion."
Die Dame verzog Ihr Gesicht. Wäre Sie ein Mensch wäre Sie vielleicht rot geworden. Ihr schwoll dafür ein Kamm der laut Dossier Kampfbereitschaft signalisiert. Er versuchte noch zurück zu weichen und scheiterte doch. Ein Getränk landete in seinem Gesicht. Immerhin war es keiner mit Blut oder anderen Körperteile. Sie stürmte davon und ließ ihn zurück.
B: "Ich vermute du willst noch ein Bier?"
Der Barkeeper schmunzelte und reichte ein Handtuch. Er war auch ein Kaltblüter und hatte ihn am Anfang nicht leiden können. Natürlich nicht. Er kam in die Bar und die Frauen ignorierten ihre Partner. Nach unzähligen Ohrfeigen und Getränken ins Gesicht konnte er diesen Warmblüter aber doch etwas Sympathie abgewinnen. Der Mensch winkte und bekam sein Bier.
J: "Weist du – es klingt wie der Traum. Der Weltraum. Unendliche schlüpfrige Weiten. Und für einige Spezies brauchst du nur einen Puls. Aber es sagt einem vorher keiner! Niemand sagt es dir!"
Der Mensch war schon berauscht. Menschen die Alkohol konsumieren, geben noch mehr Wärme ab. Zunächst könnte man denken dies geschiehe mit Motiv. Aber bei dieser Art passier es so automatisch wie das Atmen.
B: "Was sagen Sie ihnen nicht?"
J: "Das es nicht richtig klappt!"
Er putzte ruigh ein Glas. Er hatte auch dies nachgeschlagen. Menschen erwarten bei der Bar einen stoisch putzenden Bediensteten mit denen Sie reden können.
B: "Ich kann ihnen nicht recht folgen. Würden Sie es erörtern?"
Er nahm noch einen Schluck und fing an zu erklären.
J: "Wenn du ihn an Schuppen reibst wird er wund! Weist du wie sie reagiert hat? Sie dachte es wäre ein Zeichen dafür das ICH die Jungfräulichkeit verloren habe!"
Er schnaupte kurz und gestikulierte
J: "Wer hätte gedacht das die Sternenflotte extra Kondome zum Schutz davor hat? Niemand. Denn niemand sagt es dir! Ich ging vor Scham zum MHN und musste mich von den Haufen Protonen erklären lassen wie man es aufsetzt."
Der Mensch klopfte wütend auf den Tisch und weckte die Aufmerksamkeit von einigen Damen. Erst die Wärme und dann eine Kraftdemonstration.
J: "Aber gut. Du findest also eine Dame. Du freust dich. Du legst das Kondom an und merkst es ist … kalt an der Stelle. Aber ihre Beine schließen sich hinter dir. Du denkst super. Weist du wie es ausging?"
Der Mensch verdeckte sein Gesicht vor Scham.
J: "Ich war wieder beim MHN und durfte mir erklären lassen das Valexaner sich paaren bis die Dame befruchtet ist oder die Temperatur sich ändert. Ich war 2 Stunden gefangen bis ich ausgekühlt war und sie mich plötzlich als Feind ansah. Ich bekam eine Bisswunde und einen Schnupfen an dem Tag!"
Der Barkeeper klopfte ihn auf die Schulter.
B: "Mensch John. Lass den Kopf nicht hängen. Und überhaupt. Wenn es so schlimm ist, wieso kommst du immer wieder hier her?"
Der Mensch holte ein Kariertes Blatt Papier heraus und zeigte es als wäre es ein Schatz.
J: "Ich habe es bald geschafft. Einige Menschen haben hier draußen auch noch Ziele!"
Er schaute sich das Blatt an. Es waren die Spezies dieses Sektors, samt eines kleinen Symbolbildes aufgelistet. Bei einigen Spezies war eine Markierung zu erkennen. Er studierte die Karte bis er das Muster erkannte. John war mit diesen Damen … bekannt geworden. Eine Dame hatte sich genähert.
A2: "Du lockst die Damen hier schon die ganze Nacht. Aber mich wirst – nein kannst du nicht ablehnen!"
Der Mensch drehte sich um und sah eine üppige Oberweite. Er schluckte und blickte hinauf. Eine Reihe Zähne blitzen ihm entgegen. Er schluckte nervös und ordnete seine Gedanken.
J: "Diesem Angebot kann – ich meine will ich natürlich nicht ablehnen. Nur einen Augenblick"
Der Mensch drehte sich zur Bar und schnappte sich einen Stift. Er kringelte kurz und zeigte die Karte stolz vor.
Die Beiden verschwanden in die Nacht. Und er putzte weiter das Glas. Die Gäste in der Bar tuschelten neugierig. Sie alle würden raten müssen. Doch er würde Morgen von dem Mensch die neusten Fehlschläge als erster erfahren.
I am sorry that the text is not in English. I try my best and hope that it can still bring a little joy.
I do not speak German, this is just google translate. But I hope this helps.
How did we laugh? Kirk his adventures and countless risqué stories. I checked the logs a bit. Kirk and the Gorn? A planet full of women and the fight was just the official report. Neither side wanted to publish what really happened.
A1: "Oh, what a handsome...man you are?"
The fifth this evening. How much stamina did Kirk have? The Federation has had to work for over 50 years to make sure that no really means no.
J: "I'm sorry if I've caught your attention. My heat dissipation is peculiar to my species. I have no interest in reproduction."
The lady made a face. If you were human, you might have blushed. A crest swelled for her, which, according to the dossier, signals readiness to fight. He tried to back away and failed. A drink landed in his face. At least it wasn't someone with blood or other body parts. She stormed off, leaving him behind.
B: "I assume you want another beer?"
The bartender smiled and handed a towel. He was also a draft horse and didn't like him at first. Of course not. He came into the bar and the women ignored their partners. After countless slaps and drinks in the face, he was able to gain some sympathy for this warm-blooded animal. Man waved and got his beer.
J: "You know – it sounds like the dream. Outer space. Infinite slippery expanses. And for some species you only need a pulse. But nobody tells you beforehand! Nobody tells you!"
Man was already intoxicated. People who consume alcohol give off even more heat. At first you might think this is done with Motive. But with this species, it happens as automatically as breathing.
B: "What don't you tell them?"
J: "That it doesn't work properly!"
He ruighly cleaned a glass. He had looked that up too. At the bar, people expect a stoically cleaning attendant to talk to.
B: "I don't quite follow you. Would you discuss it?"
He took another sip and began to explain.
J: "If you rub his scales he gets sore! Do you know how she reacted? She thought it was a sign that I had lost my virginity!"
He snorted and gestured
J: "Who would have thought Starfleet had extra condoms to protect against that? No one. Because no one tells you! I went to the MHN out of embarrassment and had the bunch of protons tell me how to put it on."
The human angrily banged on the table, catching the attention of some ladies. First the heat and then a show of strength.
J: "Oh well. So you find a lady. You're happy. You put the condom on and you realize it's... cold there. But her legs close behind you. You think great. Do you know how it ended?"
Man covered his face in shame.
J: "I was back at the MHN and was allowed to have it explained to me that Valexans mate until the lady is fertilized or the temperature changes. I was trapped for 2 hours until I was cold and she suddenly looked at me as an enemy. I got a bite wound and a sniffle that day!"
The bartender slapped him on the shoulder.
B: "Man John. Keep your head up. And anyway. If it's that bad, why do you keep coming back here?"
The human took out a piece of squared paper and showed it as if it were a treasure.
J: "I'm almost there. Some people have goals out here too!"
He looked at the sheet. It listed the species of that sector, along with a small icon image. A marking was seen in some species. He studied the map until he recognized the pattern. John had become . . . acquainted with these ladies. A lady had approached.
A2: "You've been luring the ladies here all night. But you won't - no, you can't refuse me!"
Man turned and saw a lush bust. He swallowed and looked up. A row of teeth flashed at him. He swallowed nervously and organized his thoughts.
J: "I can't - I mean I don't want to turn down this offer. Just a moment"
The human turned to the bar and grabbed a pen. He made a quick squiggle and proudly showed the card.
The two disappeared into the night. And he kept cleaning the glass. The guests in the bar whispered curiously. You would all have to guess. But he would be the first to hear about the latest failures from the human tomorrow.
Es tut mir leid, dass der Text nicht auf Englisch ist. Ich gebe mein Bestes und hoffe, dass es noch ein wenig Freude bereiten kann.
Thank you for your work.
Nice thing you translated the English part to German. Funny detail :-)
Have a nice day
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I have no idea what euphemism almonds are.
Maybe it was a typo?
well, some of us are very charismatic & seductive, I can see why... also nice moon knight reference.
Stop with the fucking horny posts already. This sub is heading towards ruin.
The horny posts on here are so fucking boring. I wouldn't mind them if they were as interesting as other prompts or led to cool stories, but they never are and never do.
Plus there's shit like this where the OP doesn't even have the courtesy to use the NSFW tag while including a NSFW image.
So we just posting porn now?
This shit is not why I joined this subreddit. Not everything needs to be horny.
This is not for me at all
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What the fuck bitch
People are downvoting you for not being horny
It just reveals how little bitches they get
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Steven, Marc and Jake are probably fighting to know who's is taking control of their body.
Anybody else notice the tent pitched in the picture?