T O P
1pencil

"I dont wanna work here, but social assistance makes me do ten of these a month."


notthesedays

I'm sure this has happened IRL, many times.


maddieeehalll

As a former HR Director, this has indeed happened to me.


Nico_Fr

Whah did you do?


_En0ch

Took out his secret cloak from the hidden cabinet and headed for the nearest fault line to sacrifice seven virgin field mice.


_En0ch

Or just didn't hire them, but that sounds unlikely.


maddieeehalll

Said “I understand”, documented it, then proceeded to interview as I normally would. Later, when their case manager followed up asking why we rejected their candidate, I simply provided them with whatever nonsense was said during the interview.


Nico_Fr

Very professional


speedstix

I'd hire them


Informal-Amphibian-4

I wonder how many times they get reported


castledanger61

I wonder how many times they get hired for shits and giggles and desperation. Interviewer “I see you’re honest, nobody wants to work here though, here’s your uniform.. we’ll see you Monday.”


dankestofdankcomment

There’s some waste management/sewage clean up owner/employer on social media that actually did just that, the person showed up to the interview and started off essentially trying not to get the job, and the employer had an answer for every potential problem as well as reasons why his excuses didn’t matter. The person had to refuse the job themselves.


commentsandchill

Iirc if the person refuses they lose their rights


dittybopper_05H

Yes, and no, depending on the state and what sort of job you are looking for. I've been on unemployment and refused a number job offers simply because they didn't pay enough for the work required. In my state (New York), you can refuse a job and not lose your unemployment benefits if neither of the following is true: It pays 80% of your previous wage, or It pays the prevailing wage for that kind of work. Now, I haven't been on unemployment for at least 20 years now, but the times when I was on it I sometimes went on job interviews where they very lowballed the salary, and I just refused and wished them luck. Now, I was a programmer/analyst so it's not like we're talking sheet rocking or a fast food job. I actually laughed at one interviewer, and wished them luck with the kid straight out of high school that they were going to hire, because no one else doing that job would work for that little.


b-monster666

Depends on the situation, I guess. You can't expect a professional to accept a non-professional/entry level job. I had that once, when I was looking for jobs while on employment insurance. Applied for a job, they didn't advertise what the wages were, I went in for an interview. They offered me minimum wage. My skills are worth more than minimum wage. I took a pass...I would have been making more on EI than working.


esmoji

Welcome to the United States Postal Service 🫡


I_am_trash247

I had an interview like this when I was working in a shitty restaurant as an AKM. I gave the dude a soda and thanked him for not wasting my time with no call no showing


SkrogedScourge

Yeah when I worked restaurants I never reported anyone hell I didn’t want to work there. The ones I always regretted hiring tho were the ones who seemed so eager to work there. Within two weeks you could see the light die in their eyes as their hope in humanity went out the window.


I_am_trash247

I tried really hard to make it as good as possible for my crew ( shift meals, always fed my dishie, pizza or other outside food on holidays etc) but sometimes working in a restaurant just sucks and it always sucked watching someone lose the passion for the job


Umbraku

You fed your dishie......? You gave dish a name that wasnt derogatory? You FED THEM?! like........😱🫣🤯


esmoji

You are a Saint


kingjuicepouch

A lot of the ones I interviewed would just make ridiculous demands (ie wanting 5 times the stated pay, wanting every Friday off). Worked just as well, I wouldn't consider hiring them but they still got to come and say they tried


GozerDGozerian

I bet there’s a non zero amount of interviewers that would hire you out of spite haha.


fervetopus

My buddy became unemployed but found a new job super quickly, basically before his original contract ended. However since the company he started at had a summer stop for a month they made him start a month later, making him effective unemployed for a month. The unemployed agency made him interview for other jobs anyway, 5 minimum in the month. So all 5 just went like this, or responding he wanted 200k a year for a job that has a market rate of 50K.


4Hugh2Mongus0

> or responding he wanted 200k a year Cannot recommend - ended in a 200K job and working my ass off with no escape


fervetopus

200K for a tenured job being a front desk receptionist at a medium sized firm? Sign me up!


eternalankh

I've heard a ton of stories of employers actually offering them a job, just so they have to come up with an excuse as to why they declined the job offer.


SheitelMacher

I've got the job? Awesome! What time will the taxi be picking me up? I'm not allowed on busses in this town.


SheitelMacher

Don't like it? It worked. My brother's friend did this to get out of an interview. He'd apply for jobs and say he needed a job to support his drug habit or use terrible grammar and spelling while applying for professional positions....he'd get a stack of letters saying, "we don't have a position for you at this time."


tulip369

As a recruiter, yes. 😭 It happens often


MF_Ghidra

“Before you start asking questions, do any (insert any race here) people work here? I won’t work alongside them again.”


notthesedays

Or better yet, use a slur for them.


Miserablereader

Better if you use the slur of the person who is interviewing you


Daddydagda

Do any N>!agger!


Colblockx

I know it, but I don't know if I should say it...


theGuyInIT

Fuckin' lol, you had me in the middle half, ngl


Luised2094

It's even better if the chosen race is the one the interviewer clearly belongs to. Even better if it's a race most people are racist towards.


PuttingFishOnJupiter

Or for a boost to insanity, choose a slur for your own race!


bearcat-twenty-two

Or make up a bunch of words that sound like slurs, " I ain't gonna work with any skinks, plaps, fliggers or petbacks "


The_Middler_is_Here

What's your beef with amphibians?


bearcat-twenty-two

Nah man, not SKINKS, y'know... skinks, neeners, flooks... those goddamn nakkis.


SirJellyRaptor

How long do you think you can make up slurs before you accidentally say a real one?


CetaceanOps

The trick is to tell them you're prejudiced against all races.


the_idea_pig

To be fair the term for that is "misanthrope."


Current_Can5949

“Do any people with vaginas work here? I’ll have to fight my urges…”


mobyhead1

Look at the pictures on the interviewer’s desk and no matter who is in the pictures, describe just how “hot” and “doable” they are.


TheFBIClonesPeople

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" "Doing your... son."


Er1ci234

*don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife. Don't say doing your wife.*


forthegoats

At least you didn't say doing your wife!


OkImpact6737

You: "who's that on the picture" Job interview bob: "that's my daughter she just turned 3" You: "oh what's her name" Job interview bob: "jamal" You: "closes eyes licks lips and moans" sounds delicious


Intellectual-Gamer

Naaaaaaaw


facelesswolf_

Son, I am disappoint


INeedSomeFire

Hi disappoint, I am Son


canarchist

*"Before we start, how tight you guys here on that sex harassment bullshit, anyway? That shit got me fucked out of my last couple jobs."*


ashamedprotein

"Are there any security cameras on the premises?"


Appropriate-Taste811

This should be the top comment lol


Lenny_III

“On a scale of pancake tits to bolt-ons, how firm are your sexual harassment policies?”


well-i-like-books

On a scale of pancake tits to my dick...


Scrybblyr

Sounds like something Ricky would say on Trailer Park Boys - and then get hired anyway.


E_-_R_-_I_-_C

If the interviewer is a boomer, it might not work for you.


97potatostreet

"We have a very strict policy against-" * *closes door* * "Did you see that hot piece of ass out there?"


Heylisten_watchJJBA

Work only if you aren't interviewed at Blizzard


37BiscutsInMyAnus

Wanna borrow my username for that?


_Gazelem_

Slowly pick your nose and eat it while maintaining eye contact with the interviewer.


Current_Can5949

Power move.


[deleted]

If you pick THEIR nose followed by eating the goo to assert dominance...then you have good odds of taking their position.


OmnisexualSlut

Ask if the interviewer has any better outfits for when they become your assistant.


symbolicshambolic

Very Patrick Bateman, though not the worst thing he ever did to Jean.


Tastewell

"Challenge accepted, you're hired!"


WARDOGGGGGGG

Let the intrusive thoughts win.


alliejelly

Oh no..


lorum_ipsum_dolor

"I usually don't go down on interviewers but here goes. They did say 'blow' the interview".


HannaLee99

I read this title totally wrong lol


PappaDukes

Came for the blow job interview. Am I too late?


HannaLee99

Just in time actually, I'll let boss man know you're in lol


ceesaar00

I´m the boss man. Whenever you are ready.


Barry-Hallsack69

coincidentally, that would be a great way to blow a job interview in the first 10 seconds ​ or get hired immediately


DummykiddoMan

but how would I ruin it the other 7 seconds


GatorPenetrator

flatulence


HannaLee99

Yeah I was going to say, speak for yourself lol I'm totally nailing that job interview lmao


Outnabout3535325

It appears I have an opening for employment.


Superlite47

Since we're talking about blowjobs, I assume it's your upper opening that you'll be employing?


FickleHare

> I'm totally nailing that job interview lmao Read this comment totally wrong lol


2KYGWI

>I'm totally nailing that job interview And the interviewer.


Flashdime

I actually had this happen where I went in for an interview for what I thought was a summer job at a factory, and then they tell me it is a full-time position in the first few seconds of the interview. Told them what I thought the position was, and they all looked at each other pretty funny. Still got a job offer from them for just the summer though. Guess they were really hurting


cVoTetragon

Same; Too many sex related topics on this sr it's conditioned us lmao.


HannaLee99

Exactly lol


fuzzygroodle

Dirty minds think alike!!


redditmanalltheway

"Just to make sure, we're not within 500 yards of a school right?" "Sir, we're a daycare centre"


Luised2094

So, is that a yes..?


Obvious_Ad1082

Take off all my clothes and say that I like the breeze.


redCrusader51

Taking off all your clothes with enough time to spare to say that has to be a marketable job skill somewhere...


IamNotTheMama

Spit in my hand before extending it to shake the interviewers hand. That's 2 seconds.


1Shadowspark1

*Speedrunning*


LazySilver

You guys have a union? Can I start one?


Phantereal

"We regret to inform you that the position only requiring 2 years of experience was a typo and actually requires 12. As a result, we can't hire you since your resume says you aren't qualified. We apologize for the inconvenience."


Hexatona

"Now, before we get started, I just wanted to let you know that I'll have your job in 3 months, tops. You guys are getting an unbelievable deal hiring me. Non negotiable, I need my own office, and I need 20% above market pay, or I just walk right now."


Due-Cupcake-5226

You either get it or don't. If you didn't want the job in the first place why not try.


Redye117

Why did I read this in a Trump voice lol.


Ancient_Scientist_04

Pull my dick out and start jerking


Motochapstick

I like the 'pull my dick out' aspect... but i don't start jerking it... i just start waving it around and tell the interviewer 'you are getting sleepy... you are getting very very sleepy.. you will obey my commands...'


Phantereal

Helicopter.


Interesting-Gear-819

>Helicopter Heli cock ter


BlueTexasYes

Welcome to Casting Couch.


splitconsiderations

"Oh wow, I didn't know we were interviewing Louis CK today!"


ErrorB_404

Not go. Ive blown my interview since I didnt even turn up.


No_Tap_8365

Call and ask can’t they just come over to your house? It’s really an inconvenience to leave home right now.


Phantereal

When they get there, tell them the reason you couldn't leave is because you have covid.


0-768457

But the time limit might ruin it for you


redCrusader51

A lot of interviewers these days just give up if you aren't 5 minutes early.


luvitis

Funny enough I was interviewing someone who blew it in the first 10 seconds. It was a corporate job interview for a Customer Service role. I sat down and introduced myself and she said “yeah”. I asked if I could answer any questions for her before we began and she said “you need to tell him to get his ass back in the house”. I said “Excuse me?” and she looked at me and said “Excuse you, I’m in the phone” Seriously picked up a phone call on a blue tooth from the interview room then got snotty at me for trying to move forward. I left and told HR it was going to be a no. Edit: I want to point out that HR, the candidate, and I walked to the interview room together and were all chatting. It’s not like she was sitting there for 20 minutes waiting for me, which I maybe would have excused. I’m fairly certain she had her phone in her hands and the “yeah” was when she actually answered the call. As was pointed out below though, I never saw her phone or headphones and she definitely didn’t touch her ear so she could have just been talking to herself. Something I had never even considered


notthesedays

In the "For Better Or Worse" comic, the mom was looking for an employee at her toy store, and is impressed by the resume' and the person answers, "Yes, this is her. What the %\^&\* do you want, anyway?" and the mom replies, "Oh, never mind."


eaglesong3

I called a kid for an interview and it went to voicemail. The voicemail says "You've reached the voicemail of SUCK MY BALLS. Please leave a message at the tone" The kid had also put his mother's phone number on the application so I called her. She asked why I hadn't called him and I told her he didn't answer. She asked if I had left a message. I asked her how long he had been "looking for work." and she said months but hadn't gotten any offers. I told her I would hold while she called his phone to listen to his voicemail message. She was kind enough to come back on the line so I could hear her screaming at him.


[deleted]

Could have been worse. She could have been having a conversation with a person who only exists in her head.


RexEverything_

*”the first thing to say is this isn’t a pyramid scheme - it’s a trapezoid”*


OzzyOzzOz

Sneeze on the guy and then say "arent you going to say excuse me??"


Living_Shirt_7771

Bring your mom and whisper all your answers to her bc your "too shy"


DenverRalphy

Pop a bubblegum bubble, while my feet are on their desk, and say "whassup!"


Nugat37

Your hired at our startup, we like your character, finally someone who is real


SirLemonThe3rd

I mean if we are going the efficient way, I would just try and kill him, bet u he won’t like that


HelpTheBread

Just take his job by force! The Viking Strategy works every time!


SirLemonThe3rd

Ok then I try to kill him in a pathetic way


JustRyan23

Kill him with a limp rubber dvd


terpterpin

Walk in, wrinkle your nose and demand haughtily to speak to their manager.


jkwan0304

Interviewer: Describe yourself. Me: Wait a sec. *puts on a purple bandana*. Sup y'all, mah name is Prison Mike!


ten_dead_roses

Fart


GregoryWayneAbbott

And blame it on the interviewer


Current_Can5949

You’ll fit right in Corporate America. You’re hired. Lack of accountability? - Check Blaming your crappy odor on someone else? - Check Nonverbal and verbal skills? - Check


PossessionNo6878

Dress how I normally do, with my tattoos exposed. Sit without speaking or shaking hands. Wait a full 4 seconds and shush my interviewer if they try to break the silence. Seconds 5 - 9 I bring up my wife and girlfriend, show pictures of us all together, begin to discuss my sex life. Seconds 9 - 10 be escorted out


kcrew123

Is a drug and alcohol test required?? Like Gandalf says..I shall not pass


Current_Can5949

A fan of LOTR, you must be wise. You are hired.


weedandsteak

*deep breath* "ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". That should do it.


Kvalit

Leave after I’ve said hello.


mykreau

Pull out the Herbalife and say "now that I have you here, have you ever considered... ”


rhi_x

Just stare at them. Don't blink or talk. Maybe take a sip of apple juice.


Due-Cupcake-5226

Pocket box apple juice.


llcucf80

I won't bathe for several days before hand, making myself sweat the entire time beforehand. Then I'll douse myself with bottles and bottles and bottles of Axe (I'd rather use Tag but that's long been discontinued, so Axe will have to do). Everyone on the planet will smell me coming, they may not even let me in the office to do the interview.


trebuchetfight

Hope for the best.


CrystalQueen3000

Flop my tits on the desk with a thud and pretend I didn’t


P44

That reminds me of how they couldn't for their lives figure out how a certain computer error kept occurring. That was back in the 1980s, and before PCs. Those were expensive mainframe computers. ... It turned out that the typist had sometimes hit the keyboard with her rather large bust. They then referred to that error as the springing tit error ;-)


MelantorBoost

I would hire you


HelpTheBread

What if those tits were man boobs


Current_Can5949

Manager material!


MelantorBoost

Double impressed


RoadSolid2487

Shoot out my right arm and scream “heil hitler”


[deleted]

Plot twist: you're hired on the spot


koobus_venter1

I did nazi that coming


SilentJoe1986

Blitzkrieg is damn effective


Life_Porpoise

Double plot twist. It’s a gas company..


BlueTexasYes

You are hired, and you will fit right in at Pete's Pizza and Abortion Clinic, where today's loss is tomorrow's sauce.


maddieeehalll

Ask the interviewer how far along they are. Is it a boy or a girl?


justhanginhere

Tell them your a huge Nickleback fan and refuse to talk about anything else


user_friendly_socks

massively underrated comment


Phantereal

If that fails, just start covering Rockstar in your throatiest Chad Kroeger voice.


condensedhomo

Was forced to listen to a Rockstar and WAP Mashup. I hate it. So much. "We all just wanna be big WAP stars." I beg to differ, sir.


phorq

We're friends, right? (then I stick my finger up their nose)


Tastewell

Ah yes, violating the first rule: "you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose".


VictoryaChase

Ask for the salary.


TheAutisticSchoolboy

I say, "Fuck you, fuck this planet, fuck everyone on it, and fuck my life." and walk away.


aim4harmony

Intervievers.: "Well, for fucks fuck, we've dodged a fucking bullet here!".


daemonhat

i'm not sure why, but i read that in an australian accent and it's super funny.


Davegvg

George Carlin figured it out - point to the picture on the bosses desk and ask - "who is the cunt?"


MikkleDoo

Walk into the interview room and say “Gday cunts”


Specialist-Ad6095

Do a fortnite dance and shit on the floor


[deleted]

That might get you the job at TikTok.


[deleted]

I show up. Seriously, I've blown many interviews that way. For most of the employers it doesn't matter what I say or do; they have already decided beforehand who to hire, but are interviewing a few people more just to tell themselves they were right.


MurkyResolve6341

Staring contest, starting now!


bonos_bovine_muse

10 seconds? I don’t think anything I could say could make it past the point of “surely he meant something else” or “wow, that joke really didn’t land” in just 10 seconds. Even “Hitler was just misunderstood” would take 20-30 sec to convince them I’m serious. Now, if I wanted to be either out the door or hired with some undocumented extra job requirements with five seconds to spare, I could just whip it out.


nebulachromatic

“Why do I want to work here? I don’t, but capitalism demands my labor so I can survive, so…”


CorySmoot

"Don't fuck around and low ball me. I want the same money you're getting".


sleaklight

Light up a cigarette.


KitchOMFG

Spit in their face.


wrapped-in-rainbows

Ask if you could drink on the job.


Regnaruk123

Bitch slap the interviewers.


Txhcy

Jokes on you! They like it!


timdoggies

Toothy blowjob.


Life_Porpoise

“They call me nibbles and imma bout to show you why”


not_that_rick

Be myself.


One_Pen_7776

Be late


MrsMisthios

I did that for real had a massive Black out, couldn't even remember the title of my degree.


Next-Interview-6629

Tell them about my war crimes edit: i did not do any war crimes


SirKthulhu

hello, i'd like to do you daughter


BlueTexasYes

No can't do, I hate sloppy seconds.


[deleted]

show up, unless its for a role in a remake of deliverence I would probably be turned down for any job (I got a scruffy beard, missing teeth, wear faded and patched flannel and jeans, a homemade wool vest or capote, tattered leather boots, a neckerchief, and a floppy homemade leather hat. I look like I could make any piggy squeel.


I_throw_socks_at_cat

Ask if the interviewing office is within a hundred metres of a school or kindergarten. Refuse to elaborate, just say it was all a big misunderstanding.


JaSp3r90

"I'm here to blow jobs"


mordeci00

Masturbating while you walk into the interview is 100% successful. Trust me.


Proper_Ability_8957

Motorboating


HumpieDouglas

Let me ask you a question... does the company ever press charges?


CavsNation141

Just a question, I won’t be working with any black people right? I’d hate that


kevinmparkinson

“Hey is it cool if I parked in your back lot? The front seemed within a few hundred feet of that elementary school.”


CowboySoothsayer

Geez, I read that wrong.


OverThinkerSupreme

"Where do you see yourself in 1 year?" Doing your job.


Fr8monkey

Doing your wife.


Historical_Pay_5661

If its a woman: Are you going to gain more weight after I do your job for you? Man: Yo I looked you up on fb are you an you’re wife into swinging? I wanna put my bbc in dat ass Lmfao


Jalil29

Start talking about unionizing


Onyx_Hokie_2

Walk into the room with my penis dangling out of my pants.


TEEWURST876

As i enter I'd do the nazi salute. That interview is over in the first second.


Ren1408

STAB THE INTERVIEWER