• By - pstbo


Mandatory corporate fun.


Even optional corporate fun- Oh, and remember, next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.




Want hear a real torture? I played in a Western Swing band in Jackson, WY. Every 4th of July we played for a company picnic at a resort on top of a mountain for the families of the executives of Union-Pacific Railroad. All good right? But after the big bbq was done and everyone else found a place to view the spectacular Jackson fireworks, the board of directors and their spouses all had to move inside a small meeting room where the 80 year old CEO was waiting with printed sheets of campfire songs. We move in with acoustic guitars. You could see all hope drain from their souls as hit a note and lead them in the most depressing versions of On Top Of Old Smokey, Down In The Valley, Happy Trails, and always finishing with a tears of sad clown inducing encore after encore of I've Been Working On The Railroad. All. The. Live. Long. Day. I was paid very very well to do this, but I felt like I was leading cattle to the abattoir. We'd wipe the high dollar blood off our boots, collect our stack of bills, and watch the broken souls attempt to find their families in the falling twilight.


That's how you flex on people. Was he an energy vampire?


Colin Robinson strikes again.


That is the creature that crawled out of the chest of our dear friend, Colin Robinson.




All of the management of my company now has matching Nike Air Max running shoes. We're almost required to wear them to corporate events. Mine are still immaculate and have never been tied. I put them on in the parking lot and take them off before driving away. I just loosened the factory lacing and slip them on and off. It looks ridiculous to be wearing a jacket, tie and running shoes. I drank the Kool Aid and it tastes like shit.


For some reason that’s actually popular now. All the sports talking heads on TV where athletic shoes with their suits on TV. I wouldn’t do it myself but it has become popular


We had Tshirt Fridays at a place I worked. I wore shirt with a band on it. Like The Grateful Dead or The Doors and my boss called me in and said there was a complaint because I was wearing satanic shirts


Wow the greatful dead or the doors? When everyone knows [god listens to Slayer.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/236xxx/thanks_metal_dudes/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)


Gotta lean into it and get the most obnoxious shirt you can find.


Sounds dangerous tbh. You might risk having a moment of actual enjoyment while at work. That would really throw off the pessimistic vibe.


Oh man, a guy at my work once came with a flowering penis shirt. It looked like a normal hawaiin shirt, albeit a it extra colourful, until you looked carefully at the pattern. He has since retired and I miss him. Never did find out where he got the shirt. Couple years later HR banned hawaiin shirts because they thought they were associated with white supremacy somehow.


>Couple years later HR banned hawaiin shirts because they thought they were associated with white supremacy somehow. Sounds like they got their wires crossed from the whole tiki torch thing.


My company fixed this. Instead of a company party we get a Ralph's gift card so we can have dinner with our families. We all get along, but fuck all if I want to spend more time at work.


It's cool if they do it during work hours. I wouldn't burn a day off tho.


Ummm, I'm gonna need you to go ahead come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great, mmmk... oh oh! and I almost forgot ahh, I'm also gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Sunday too, kay.


Oh, and about that TPS report, I’m going to go ahead and make sure you get an extra copy of that memo.


I was told I could listen to my radio at a reasonable volume. And I used to have a desk near the window and I could see the squirrels and they were married. I could burn this place to the ground.


All these Office Space quotes, and not one referring to minimum amounts of pieces of flair? I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.


I had a buddy get called out in an office full of co-workers from a manager when he refused to go to a work event (not paid). She stopped everyone from working just to shame him. Was the weirdest shit I've ever seen lmao. I never go


Get this shit. I worked for a company that was WFH on Fridays. A going away party was scheduled for a director. On a Friday. At 5pm. At a bar… close to the office. And the invitation was complete with “we will report to work on Friday to make it easier to attend.”


dang that's a sick day if i've ever seen one


That’s a going away party that I would not be attending. Nope, fuck off with that director bull shit


yes we recently had a corporate away day. Major restructuring going on and possible job losses. Instead we had one 20 min presentation which said nothing then 5 hours of escape room games and a 3 hour commute home. Annoyingly I live next to the office where we could have had the same bloody thing.


The cameras are here to ensure the fun is happening


Idk I had a really good time playing laser tag at a corporate event.


That's the absolute worst. I'm 30, male, unmarried, no kids, new to the industry, can't afford a home or vacations, and everyone else on my team is 50+ female with a family, 20+ years in the industry, and they're all very well off due to being born when they were. I relate to them in no way whatsoever, and I never will. I have to intubate myself to drink the kool-aid and it's fucking miserable. - Edited to remove something I said twice.


This and talking to their boss. The boss at my last job was great, but the boss I had before that would make sexist jokes and I laughed uncomfortably, which I now realize isn’t ethically right, but I didn’t know what else to do.


It’s not easy to stand up against that kind of behavior when your livelihood is in jeopardy. In an ideal world, you report that stuff to HR, the boss either stops acting that way or gets fired, and work improves, but it’s way easier to lay out that plan when it’s not my paycheck, health insurance, and retirement on the line.


Exactly. Also, it was a small, family owned restaurant I worked at and he was the owner so…


Not to mention HR is there to protect the company, not the employee. Whilst when it comes to complaints against a senior member of staff by a lower-level staff HR will always take the side of the senior staff for obvious reasons unless there's a serious threat of a lawsuit or social media outrage.


My boss is great but my boss’s boss is a high functioning coke and alcohol addict. He’s also a total narcissist and probably a psychopath. It makes things interesting.


I’m sure executive positions attract those with psychopathic/narcissistic personalities


Big time. I work in finance at a London brokerage so it’s well known. The funny thing is, all those attributes actually make his behaviour very predictable after a while.


Gold leaf on food


Literally adds no flavor to the dish.


the only acceptable usage of gold leaf is for visual pleasure on chocolate cakes


I one paid $2 extra to get my ice cream cone covered in gold leaf. It was stupid and I’ll never do it again, but I regret nothing.


Worth it


you may be able to answer this question I've had for a long time... so, when you eat gold leaf... do you poop it out? does it make your poop glitter? I mean, it's gotta come out...


Lol. It’s so thin that it basically disintegrates in your stomach. I’m sure you could find some with a stool sample and a microscope, but you’d need to eat a lot to be able to see it on the other side otherwise


makes sense! thanks


* chocolate *desserts*. I used to work at a place that had chocolate mousse inside of a chocolate ball with a teeny gold leaf flake and the top of it. I used to take them home all the time. 🤤💅🏻 fancy.


It’s also potentially harmful. They’ve done studies in countries where gold and silver leaf sweets are popular and nearly all of it had harmful heavy metals in it like cobalt, nickel, cadmium, lead, etc.


Who doesn't love a good Cadmium Cream Egg?


Don't hate on my whatchamacobaltit bars.


Maybe those people like their golden poos


It makes my dookie twinkle


Obnoxious oversinging in television talent shows


And the rockets reeeed glaAiuoaAIiouuhhhmmmskipitybeebopaaiiAARE


Seconded. I hate this with a passion.


Sing it like you mean it! *I hate this with aaa..... PaaaashhiooOOOooOOOooOOOONNNN!* \*clapping sounds\*


wow, you really got talent… But why dont you tell us a bit about your life


“I’m one of quintuplets. My father abandoned my mother when we were born because he said we looked like Joe Pesci.” ::holding back tears:: “We had to live under a bridge and only got by eating pigeons and drinking our own urine.” ::gasping for air and choking on words:: “My mother was an addict. She was addicted to laxatives. It made it hard to deal with because she was always shitting everywhere we went.”


i see, boy you got great talent, you win


*slams golden buzzer*


Have y’all seen the illustrated book dedicated to that performance? [It’s amazing](https://youtu.be/o-ZYZ2MC5P0)


Thanks, Fergie!


Twinkle twinkle little staaauhuhauhuhuahahahuhauhar


ugh I hate this so much. especially when it’s very offkey but the audience and judges start crying from emotion or something


This! As a musician as well i think it’s pretentious. We can tell you can sing, you don’t have to sing every note in the minor scale on a one syllable word.


Just because you can doesn't mean you should.


You mean it's not necessary for somebody to try to hit every fucking note in an arbitrary sequence in a single syllable word?


I only just realized the influence of this crap on pop music. Vocal-centric mixes tend to bore me to tears.


RIP Can You Feel the Love Tonight in the Lion King remake thanks to this


THIS! As a musician / singer i find this atrocious.


Their job


As a training supervisor, I feel this. My job is to drink the corporate kool aid and pretend it doesn’t taste like stale dishwater. Aren’t these free bags of chips and complimentary sparkling waters pretty lit, fam? Who’s got it better than us?!!! Nooooobody. Now, excuse me as I sneak off to the restroom to hit the flask


Thats every conversation I have with my manager after a stats meeting. She spews the Kool aid, then after she's done she let's me vent. Its never said out loud, but it's a spiritual agreement that what I'm saying she's agreeing with.




I had a job that was like that. Like it's one things to chronically have issues with outside teams, but when you're venomous and that's the thing you're the most passionate about during the meeting, your own teams like the problem. I hated that no one else had issues with that culture. They were otherwise good smart people.


Not me everyone knew I didn’t like my job!


I actually quite enjoy my job, making people food that they enjoy makes me happy.


especially people who like to throw around that "choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life" bullshit. That actually applies to maybe 0.01% of people on this planet


For me this became “monetize your hobbies and never love doing them again.” It’s now a real struggle to do anything just to enjoy it.


My husband used to build computers..for people he knew. Friends and family..sort of a bartering thing they had going..I suggested that he go into business for himself and he replied that it would then become something he HAD to do, not something he liked to do. it then would become a job he had to do.


I DID that. 'THE COMPUTER DOCTOR' was my business and it was booming 20 yrs go. My Wife made me fire myself and go back to Corporate work, because I was miserable, and worked 18 hrs/day.


This is exactly what I told my kids as they went off to college. Do what makes you money that you can tolerate. If you “love it”, you probably won’t after 5yrs. Hobbies are fun when you are deciding the times to do them. They become not-so-fun when there are expectations and time schedules attached.


yup - turning my hobby into a biz ruined my hobbies


The unrecognized dark part of that whole philosophy is that even if you’re lucky enough to find a job doing something you love, more often than not the bullshit that comes along with monetizing a passion can make you no longer truly enjoy it since it will either be so burdened by the impositions of work standards/obligations or will just simply be impossible to disentangle from the association with labor you *must* do rather than labor you *want* to do.


Exactly. I came out of college with a lot of experience and contacts in audio production, and absolutely LOVED writing/arranging/producing, so I ran a mobile recording studio and did arranging/composition in addition to normal production for a few years as a side job. Turns out that what I really love is working on both my projects and other projects that would let me work with cool/talented people that put just as much care into their work as I did. What I really don't love was everything else that comes along with providing a creative service to clients - scheduling, billing/taxes, spending all of my free time lugging a bunch of gear up and down the east coast, and most of all flat out bad clients (both talent-wise as well as being aggravating to deal with). Like I said, working on cool projects with talented people is fun...having a week-long back and forth with a passive aggressive band leader that is trying to nickel and dime extra edits/changes/full blown extra tracking sessions while also having no idea what they're talking about is not fun. Having someone dispute the trademark application for your business name despite filing after you and being in a completely different field on the other side of the country is not fun. Luckily I was still able to walk away from that while taking some good experiences away as well, and it didn't kill my desire to create things at the end of the day!


Agreed. I love the field I work in and I can’t think of any other profession I’d want to be in… but it’s still a grind a lot of days, and I have to put up with a lot of bullshit.


There is a fine line between focusing on the positives of what you have and lying to yourself and others. One is an excellent outlook that allows you to enjoy your life, the other is a recipe for a breakdown.


Exactly, if you focus on certain aspects of your job that you may find rewarding (even slightly) like problem-solving, working with data, etc. it can really do wonders for your mental health. Even smaller stuff like “i like my coworkers” can turn a shitty job into one you look back on fondly


Long, meandering stories from 5yr olds.


Long, meandering stories from 60 year olds.


"The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones"


"In those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. 'Give me five bees for a quarter', you'd say."


I don't mind these. It beats a lot of what adults have to say


The present no one wanted


Hahaha, I thought you meant the present moment we're in... That no one wanted.


That’s *exactly* how I read it, too. I actually nodded silently to myself, then realized they meant a gift.


Oven mitts?


Well it’s no video iPod




Better than a stupid teapot


Paintball lessons? How is that better than an iPod?


When someone sings, Happy Birthday To You


*standing around smiling awkwardly intensifies*


One of the cringe-est thing ever, if not the most


Skyler White enters the chat. *Happy birthday, mister president*


Why do you have to bring that up. sooo cringe


Hhaaappyyy buuuurthday to yyeewwww


I found that if you make gestures for them to hurry up, they actually start singing faster, and finish it quicker, plus everyone has a laugh!


I like to yell “one more time!” And see how many times they’ll repeat it


You’re a monster


Whatever celebrity died most recently.


The queen


I didn’t vote for her.


I thought we were an autonomous collective!


I can say to people that I was alive to see another monarch.


And will likely see another. Charles is 73. Within the next 10-20 years, he'll be gone. Especially if he gets sick and keeps up his belief in homeopathy.


I was thinking this yesterday. Millennials are likely to see 3 monarchs in their lifetime, maybe even 4. We've seen the Queen. King Charles has 10-20 years maybe, so Prince William (next in line, I think) will be 50-60 years old when he is crowned. Another lets say 30-40 years of his reign, then Prince George is up. That's what, a maximum of 60 years? I'm 29, plus 60 years is 89. I could well see my fourth monarch just before I throw in the towel!


Gender reveal parties


I personally do not pretend to like these. I have to clean up after them and I am angry.


You work for the US Forest Service?


No but close enough. At least I don't have to put out those fires...


I used to work for the Forest Service. I was a wilderness ranger. I drove through an entire mountain town in Colorado that was ablaze because some idiots had shot some flare guns for fun during a fire ban. People were super casual about the mountains around them being on fire and were pretty much carrying on business as usual. It was heartbreaking to see all of those beautiful green trees turn into ash.


I work in a restaurant and a large group reserved space for what turned out to be a gender reveal party. The entire hotel lobby (it's a weird open concept dining room) heard them screaming when they did the reveal and grimaced. Then they insisted on splitting the check a million ways (said it would only be split into 2 or 3 pieces when they made the reservation) and tried to short the server like $200. Fun.


Crowded events with hard to get expensive crappy beer


I can't stand bars that are too crowded/loud to talk. I don't know that everyone's pretending to like them, but a significant portion of us definitely are.


I remember in college, my group of friends hit a point by our....junior year where we just stopped going to the "college bars" for that reason. The places we went were more chill, had comfortable seating, was quiet enough that we could talk, and we were generally the youngest people there. That shit got old pretty fast


and good luck getting to a bathroom


This is why you should do drugs on a festival way cheaper and more fun


drinking at concerts/festivals sucks because it's overpriced and makes me have to pee every 20 min. Now I just roll with a live resin vape and water.


I bring a collapsible plastic flask with me that I crotch into most events, and many now only use metal detectors so I can often keep it in my pocket. Mix up a cocktail w everything minus the sprite/ginger ale/whatever soda. Buy a souvenir soda and mix it up, BAM, 6 cocktails for the price of a sprite!


Sneak 100 proof peppermint schnapps shooters in your socks. It's like none of you have ever actually partied before




I'm pretty open with myself about not liking my boss


There's a hair-thin line when office colleagues cross from "we're in the same boat, might as well get along" to "they're keeping up appearances so when petty BS goes down, they won't look like such an ass."


Family members. I don't care what god damned percentage of genes we share,. If you're a piece of shit, I have no obligation to pretend I care about you "because we're family"




Getting clothes as a gift when you're a kid. You have to pretend you like it because it was nice of them to get you a gift, but deep inside you wished so much that it was a cool toy. Edit: Here is a video that I've shared before of me as a kid trying my best to pretend I liked the gifts that my relatives got me for Christmas that year.


That and educational toys. One more puzzle as a kid and I’ll start putting laxatives in your beers you old cunts.


I was dirt poor growing up with barely any clothes and yeah a little piece of me died each time the present was clothes. Mostly because they were the cheapest, ugliest clothes mom could find and I knew I wasn't going to wear them. I make my kids pick out their own clothes nowadays.




Joke's on you! I don't even pretend!


Their spouse's bff.


This one is sad. My wife and I have some of the same friends, but the ones that are mine, she likes, and the ones that are mostly hers, I like. It helps that we're similar, but damn, I can't imagine not liking the people she spends time with.


The company you keep tells a lot about what kind of person you are. One thing that first made me feel my boyfriend was a really good guy is because he had very down-to-earth, caring friends. If all your partner’s friends are jerks or unlikable, there’s a big possibility that’s also how they act when you’re not around.


I strongly disagree with this on a personal level lol. I have friends that tried to have me to hangout with their other friends because "you guys have the same interests and are so much alike". Don't get me wrong, I knew my friends are better people then I am, but Holy shit if that's how they viewed me they're all saints for putting up with me.


Also, the best friends' spouse.


For sure. I have a close friend that my husband and I enjoy hanging out with. She’s super chill and fun to be around and talk to. Her husband, not so much. He is so obnoxious to be around. He likes to monopolize every conversation and loves to talk about how perfect and intelligent he is and talks to us in a condescending manner. The first time we met him we were like “holy shit! Why is she with him?”


In *most* of my experiences, the bff is the one I like the best, because they seem like they're actually her friend and not trying to stir shit up. It's the next level removed where you can tell stuff like friend-A uses her and will stab her in the back, friend-B wants her to be single because she doesn't have enough friends to look for guys with, friend-C is literally hitting on me.


Not sure about what everybody protends to like, but I know what everyone pretends to hate. NICKELBACK


Edible arrangements. Fruit is good, but edible arrangements either have to be eaten quickly, taken apart to be stored in the fridge, or thrown away.


Plus I feel guilty on all the waste it makes for all those shapes


I really don't know why they don't also sell smoothies. They already have all the ingredients!


My family demolishes an edible arrangement the second it hits the counter... But I have 5 kids


I do like how quickly a tribe of kids can make some leftovers disappear!


How somebody’s weekend was.


I feel this its not that I don’t necessarily care but do we have to discuss this every Monday morning?


Each other.


I actively hunted for this response.


for online dating at least: hiking


I'm pretty sure I hike more than like 95% of Americans, and I still preface it as "the occasional hike" if I put it on a dating profile. Where I live it can be serious business, and I don't really want to date someone who expects to do a 4,000' mountain every weekend.


Bag them peaks


This was so upsetting for me. I genuinely love camping and hiking. I’m planning an 8 month road trip of camping and hiking across the u.s. In college I made so many friends and went on so many dates with people that said they liked hiking. But actually getting anyone to make a plan to hike was like pulling my own teeth. They’re always down for dinner, a movie, bar, but never the hike they claim to love T.T


Tbf, a dinner, movie, or bar is an easy outing whereas a hike is a commitment that can take much of the day. Just driving *to* a trail can take an hour-plus depending on where you live.


Yea, but these weren’t first dates. I dated one guy for 5 months and couldn’t get him to do a hike once. And he did do great dates, like taking me to an aquarium in another city. Like, hiking can be a lot, but it shouldn’t be so hard to find people who enjoy it when you’re specifically asking people who claim to love it. I genuinely think hiking is one of those things people want to see themselves as liking, but not enough to actually do the effort. It’s really unfortunate. It was just doubly annoying because I would talk to people specifically because they said they liked it because it’s a passion of mine.


A lot of people don't realize that hiking, particularly if elevation gain is involved, is a workout before it is anything else. The fun of hiking is always going to be secondary to the effort exerted. It sounds pretty obvious but I'm astonished by how many people I know who are caught off guard by this. You have to earn those vistas.


Trendy brands just because they're expensive.


Especially the ones that like, the plain T-Shirts that have the teeny tiny logo on the breast.


is the answer adulthood??? this has been absolute garbage since i started it. I'd personally like a refund and speak to life's manager! i will absolutely karen the dogshit out of this lol


Compared to childhood where I had no power to make any real decisions, no money to buy anything, and was wasting time with half my time in school "learning" things which I never used and couldn't care less about, while being forced to spend time around people I utterly hated for half my day, I'm MUCH happier with adulthood.


Other people's newborn babies. Come on guys, we can all agree that they look like aliens when they pop out.


Au contraire! My daughter looked exactly like an *ugly* little gremlin and I was honestly scared that i had just fathered the ugliest child in existence for about a day or so....


As my dad says "all newborn babies look like Winston Churchill"


I thought my own baby looked like an alien when she was born. When people said she was "beautiful" I was like, be honest. She's kinda funny looking. 🤣


I actually didn't think my son looked like an alien when he was born. But he came out through a C Section, so he had much less of the smushed look and had a perfectly round head and all. He was just purple. 😂😂




Babies really need like... 3 months to lose that foetus look. That's probably how long they'd gestate if we didn't have such giant heads and tiny hips.


Yep. It’s called “the fourth trimester.”


Graduation ceremonies I love being in a hot auditorium with a 1000 others who don’t want to be there even graduates


As a Canadian, winter. People romanticize thinking it looks like this in the middle of Toronto, when we have something more like this or this


None of your links worked fyi


It snowed so hard, it broke the links


Server froze


I personally love winter because I have seasonal allergies every other time of the year. I also can’t go outside until night during the summer for various reasons.


I will admit I do enjoy winter until about January 15th or so. after that it can just F**k off.


Winter is nice at first. It's just too damn long.


anything that is trending just to fit in.




Non dog people pretending that it's OK that your dog jumps on your and licks you when you get into somebody's house.


Pretending to be interested in pictures of your dog.


Tight fitted clothes. They look ok when standing but are a nightmare when sitting or trying to relax.


Oh my, this is it, those tight jeans, they are totally unbearable!


Luxury brands. That $5999 Louis Vuitton bag is hideous. And you can get a bag made of wayyyyy better heavy duty material for wayyyyy cheaper at Bass Pro.


I couldn't care less how much a person spends on a bag or anything else but the funny part about Louis Vuitton bags is I always just assume it's a knock off.


My sister found a knockoff Prada at Goodwill for like $12. She gets compliments on it.


My mum loves knockoff items. No one can ever tell.




In the UK it’s definitely the queen. I know people who are “in grief” right now, but have made gross jokes at her expense in the past. The monarchy is just a really expensive joke at this point.




NFT's. Some people think its just a picture that people get ripped off and still care for them.


Louis Vuitton bags


The walking dead. Yea zombies are cool and what not but I can think of 4 times off the top of my head that they could have just let the show die like a normal series. After the gangs 70th close call or bring betrayed for the 15th time in a season you think everyone would just go ahead and be dead.