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In my ex-girlfriends bedroom whilst her parents were in kitchen below us preparing dinner. This was the first time I’d had dinner with her parents. Also during sex I snapped my banjo string and had to sit at the dinner table with paper towels round my knob.


Ooh, that's a sour note to end the story on...


I'm gonna fucking throw up


That was my reaction too.


The hell were you doing to that poor banjo


Some mighty fierce pluckin', that's what.


Like a literal banjo string or is that a reference to something?


[Banjo string](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenulum_of_prepuce_of_penis) (nsfw)


How the fuck do you snap that during sex? What could possibly snap it other than teeth during a blowjob? I can’t imagine just plain sex would do it… it’s not like a ultra thin condom that always breaks when you start pounding… Edit: more questions


Accidentally did it to an ex of mine a few years ago because of rough sex. It can happen, unfortunate but it does. Also can happen if it slips out and you don’t put it back in properly, quick thrust and youve snapped ya banjo


It just sort of happens sometimes and it has the potential to bleed a lot


Id think it's similar to pulling an Achilles. Dude was probably super hard and it tore much like any muscle. Never knew it could happen until today though and now I have a whole new fear lol


We didn't know you could play the banjo!


I never knew that was possible




Winter or summer?


Stuff dropping from the sky either way


Good one


Did the goat have a name?




In the woods at night. We weren’t in the car it was parked across the street. Suddenly we saw headlights driving at us, it was the sheriff! We had to get dressed, run across railroad tracks and across the street! He was yelling at me to run and I was almost crying cause I was stepping on rocks at the railroad tracks. The next day was the first time he bought me flowers. We have been married 35 years. I have gotten flowers so many times I can’t count.


THat's a hell of a story! I'm so glad you and the Sheriff are happy together! What happened to the guy you were having sex with at the time?


Lmao 🤣




Nobody saw him again, but there was a hook hanging from the door handle when they looked at the car the next day.


>In the woods at night. I can already feel that mosquito itch


Double the climax


Wow must have been true love at first sight, congrats on the 35 years with the ole sheriff!


can confirm, sheriff here.


Can confirm, I was the rocks she was stepping on.


>I have gotten flowers so many times I can’t count I see...


Wait, pardon me. Who did you end up marrying? The sheriff or the guy you were hooking up with?


Bathroom of a federal government building. USA


In the entrance of an Hotel in Nice - France. It was in the middle of the night, but still anyone could have entered. Im also pretty sure there was CCTV.


Anyone could have entered, but alas, it was you who did the entering… unless *you* were the one who got entered…




On my exact ovulation date


Which metod did u use to determine this date? Asking for me


There’s ovulation strips that help determine if your ovulation has happened. The more precise way is to measure your basal temperature every day and to check your cervix/cervical mucus. When the temperature rises and your cm is very wet/slippery/egg white like, it’s ovulation time. But please inform yourself properly before using it as a contraceptive method. r/famnnfp is great for that :)


In the butt, Bob.


It’s an old reference sir but it checks out.


In the camper of my then girlfriends super conservative, super religious parents while they were at a campground church service we were camping at that was like 100 ft away


In my boyfriend's room when he still lived with his parents. That was how I was introduced to his brothers when they came over for dinner. Dinner went well, though. My mother in law is a nurse and at the time she took care of patients with bowel problems so not only was my introduction to the family done in the most horrific teen comedy cliché way, I also got to sit and listen to the whole family talk about poop at dinner. It was a culture shock, to say the least, but I consider it a funny story now. I really like his family. They are very chill people.




My ex's mom literally walked in on us, in his room. The only thing that saved us was that the room was only illuminated by the TV, and apparently she can barely see without her glasses.




"Oh, I thought you were just taking a nap" she said later


Maybe behind a sign which says "NO DRILLING WITHOUT PERMISSION"


Cause there is a natural gas line there


Sheesh, a guy farts ONE TIME during sex...


Disneyland. Found out later if we had been caught we’d have to register as sex offenders


Happy cream pie day


Where exactly? Like a washroom?


Not OP but based on my knowledge of Disneyland, I'd guess Pirates of the Caribbean or It's A Small World. These rides are longer dark rides and people think they can get away with doing stuff on them. What people don't know, is they have cameras on every last inch of these rides, that have night vision enabled. The cast members can see what you're doing and have watched tons of people go at it on these rides. Source: I have multiple friends who have worked on Pirates of the Caribbean.


Imagine getting horny at Disneyland🤨🤨 wtf kinda shit are y’all into


My girlfriend's room. Sometimes she does that thing when we're about to get freaky where she'll turn off the lights and hide in a corner and pounce on the bed like a cat when I expect it the least. Every single time it scares the shit out of me lmao


Oh yeah.... That thing


That classic


That old chestnut.


Oh right. The thing. The thing we all do. The thing done specifically because it's so universal. The normal thing.


You say "that thing" like this is normal lmao


Are you sure she isn't actually a cat?


She absolutely *is* a cat. I often say that I don't need a pet because I can just scritch her head and it's like the real thing.


On the living room floor under a Christmas tree, while my mom was sleeping in the next room.. My partner at the time was allergic to pine trees. So much danger!


She knew


At a neo nazi party in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. I'm Jewish but that skinhead chick was fine as hell 🤷‍♀️


That is wild. I assume she didn’t know?


Not at the time lol Long story but I ended up announcing that I'm Jewish to everyone later after they started talking shit about blacks and jews. We were all wasted and I had been playing nice and bonding nicely..Place was super sketchy with bullet holes and junk everywhere. In hindsight it was pretty stupid but they said I was a cool person and stopped talking shit. My friend who took me there had no idea his buddy had fallen into that crowd.


Probably a net positive that you were there in the end…I bet some of them had never met a Jew. No doubt they went on being Neo-nazis, but on the margins, it probably helped a small amount


How did Jew feel after the whole thing?


I bet Jewish you hadnt gone


Pretty much sounds like the script to green room , haha.


Nazi sex partner: OMG! Are you a Jew???? /u/GovernmentViolence2U : ish....


Wow that’s crazy


If you had said nothing, some skinhead dude(s) would have had your sloppy seconds, dude you missed your chance!


As a fellow person of Jewish lineage, things got all hot and heavy at a (not neo Nazi) party with a girl I thought was just the hottest ever. Got undressed, she did the turn 'n bend, and...giant fucking swastika on her back. I was in too deep (ba dum tiss) to care at that point, but yeah. Weirdest bang ever.


If anything I'm guessing it was a turnon at that point? I'm black, and back before confederate flags were totally anathema (back in 2010ish when I was graduating high school, it was seen as crass/trashy but not evil) I would totally get turned on if a girl wearing one wanted to fuck me.


Honestly, it didn't have a whole lot of effect on me. I already wanted that girl real bad. Really all that crossed my mind was "Oh she is going to be MAD." As we left I told her and she didn't say shit. Just stood there as I left. Never heard from her again.


Nice. Literally DM;HS.


Or as a black guy having sex with a woman and you know the father is racist 😂


I guess she took someone saying: fuck those jews quite literally.


Colt 45 and 2 zigzags...


Baby that’s all we need…


[Bodycount KKK bitch](https://youtu.be/FIGAZnk5Iwo) You and IceT


I mean, I get it. Happy New Year


Fuck the pain away :')


Inches away from her sleeping father. I literally could've reached and touched him. He was big, angry, and had a black belt. He would've snapped me in half if he woke up. I was definitely on edge the entire time.


I don't think that's how edging works!


Hahaha beat me to it! 🤣


How in the fuck? All I can think is a camping trip?


We were driving somewhere far and stopped for the night and the hotel only had one room with 2 beds. Guess it was more like a foot away.


That changes everything of course.


Damn, you are brave.


Something something, confusing stupidity for bravery. I don't think courage played a role there.


Definitely not, more like fear canceled out by teenage hormones lol.


As a doctor at work. I'm aware it makes me unprofessional 🥲 but in my defense my partner wasn't a patient and I didn't really have any work per se. It was around 2am and all patients were stable. It was terribly scary for obvious reasons. I was afraid I'd get caught by patients, the security gaurd or by my own senior resident who was asleep in the room next to mine and to top it all off for some reason it didn't bother me during the act but the window was wide open and while we were at the 5th floor, right across the window, after a few meters was a ramp which also had windows and I was absolutely terrified of the fact that someone may have seen me from there.


What in the greys anatomy


On hindsight, it does feel very tv dramaesque lol


My partner is a doctor. Greys Anatomy is hella accurate from a social interaction perspective. The amount of juicy fucking drama I get is indescribable. Funny how glow up(typically) nerds who find themselves in positions of authority just fuck around heedless of any repercussions.


Former ER security guard here. This story doesn't surprise me in the slightest, lol. Something about that ER... the stress gets everybody horny, I swear.


😂😂 you sound like you probably have alot to share too


Abandoned barn in the middle of a cemetery. Surprised a killer in a jumpsuit didn’t pop out at us right away.


Right away? So he took his time?


Politely waited for us to finish.


When my hubby and I were dating we had sex in an abandoned factory building


I worked at a mom-and-pop grocery store when i was a teenager. I used to have a girl meet me out back and we would do it on a small set of steps that lead to a door that didn't open(it was blocked by a bunch of boxes that was blocked by a conveyor belt inside of the store). Well one day while we were doing it on the steps, a coworker of mine went to the same steps to smoke a blunt during his break. he saw us and waited til we were done. the 3 of us ended up sharing the blunt before our breaks were over.


Pubic park. I hated it




> Pubic park. I hated it Word for word a scathing Yelp review of Golden Corral


I loved the view 😏


Strange name for a park, did they never cut the grass?


Public car park as teenagers- the police who pulled up alongside us must have had a giggle…


“Adult bookstore? I thought this was the public library”


In a Mormon church. In the chapel room when it was pitch dark. Just eerie. Difficult to tell if the echoing moans were coming from us or ghosts lmfaoo


In a sauna. Not a real good idea to do something so vigorous in that type of environment. I’m surprised I didn’t pass out.


On the roof of my high school while skipping class


I know this girl who lives next to a cemetery and we’ll long story short she told me she fucked in the cemetery


ah yes, the good ol' Mary Shelley experience.


I was going up with a girl that wanted to be bent over a grave stone and she wanted me ejaculate all over the grave stone and grave. I've seen enough horror movies to know how that would end, hell I don't believe in ghosts or afterlife or any of that but I'm damn sure if I followed through with it I was going to end up first dead in my very own horror movie of my creation


Props for you for nothing falling thru the pressure and seeing reason, probably would’ve had a skeletons hand reach of and grab your ankle as soon as you came lmao


Don't fuck in a haunted mansion and act all surprised when your baby winds up the reincarnation of Pazuzu


My gf's parents basement after sneaking out of my house and into her house at midnight on a weekday. We were 16. Both sets of parents were home.


In the bathroom at a gas station


That is definitely horrifying


My exes parents room




The parents


“Dw sweetie, you're doing great”


That would explain the break-up.


School bathroom. Twice. Got caught cause I had the largest shoes the in grade so girls knew as soon as they saw my feet under the stall doors.


Bro was packing a foot long


"Either they're with a clown or with mlastella."


My parents house. My husband and I were visiting for Christmas and because of some medical issues, hadn't seen each other for a couple of weeks. We closed the door (no lock) of my old bedroom and we got busy, as married people do. My parents told us that we'll have a family lunch at 1pm. At 12:30, my brother comes knocking on our door telling us that lunch is ready. We hurry up with cleanup and come downstairs to see all 11 of our various family members just waiting for us. Super awkward.


On a roof of a six story building while at work. Got caught by a resident who called security. Cost me my job, totally worth it.


Underground tunnel of an old train line


in a field at night. someone decided to go mudding and almost ran us over


You know those old barns in the Midwest that look structurally unsound and/or are actively caving in?


In an abandoned wwii bunker


SF headlands?


Mannn a cemetery once cos we were into spooky shit. So inappropriate. Also. Sachs bridge in Gettysburg cos it’s haunted.


I live 30 minutes from Gettysburg, so I see tons of pictures from locals who visited Sachs, hoping they caught something paranormal. I'm wheezing just thinking about someone accidentally snapping a photo of your tryst, and being like "I think I caught 2 ghosts doing it" 😂


Omg LMFAO!!!!!! I wish we wore two ghost costumes and did it lololol oh dear god. Yes I still live so damn close to Gettysburg, never go there and not think about it. One time I was like shit what if I pissed the ghosts off lolol


The back seat while her parents were driving.


Hate to break it to you, but if they were both in the driver's seat then you weren't the only ones getting down on it.


At that point, parents are just too afraid to ask/say something


in school


It's one of the best and scariest.


Where's the best place in school?


Darkroom in the photography lab. Dark, private, takes a minute to open the revolving dark door...and you can process your photos immediately afterwards.


The bathroom stall used to be perfect but now there are cameras in schools so you likely wouldn't get away with sneaking a girl in there. Gotta get creative. Find somewhere private. Usually the gym area or drama rooms have cool little private areas you can find.


Unless you’re straight, it’s a good place to fuck


Music practice rooms are literally small soundproof booths


There is a punk song from my country about having sex in school during a bomb treath


In a old abandoned school in Poland. As an exchange student I had the privilege to visit Poland. My host family was super friendly but couldn’t speak English. The daughter had to be their translator and so on… We came back from music festival and all of her friends called it a day and so did we. On the way home she told me about that abandoned school near the city and without me knowing she led me to it. We went into the building and it was super spooky. Swastika’s on the wall, old furniture in the hallway and rather weird windy noises. She said that these “scary” places makes her feel rather calm and somewhat horny… I felt super uncomfortable but hard to resist.


My mind


Inside an unlocked police car in their lot behind headquarters. It was midnight and dark but risky because the parking lot was lit.


In the woods at night


A couple years ago my ex and I tried having late night sex on top of the car in a private forest township, and were interrupted by an old man on a Vespa trying to get home. From the moment i heard a motor approaching down the dark forest road, the race to hike up my panties and jump inside the car pretending to have a conversation began, and it was the scariest thing ever. That was the last time i tried anything funny in public


And after you finish and your partner says "Don't be such a chicken. I'm the one that has to walk back alone."


Man, I'm tired, that took me like 10 seconds before I got it.


Gary, Indiana. Getting fucked in an apocalyptic wasteland was... memorable.


First time I've seen a mention of Gary, Indiana, outside of Cards Against Humanity.


On top of a mountain at 12k Feet. Banged her out missionary while the back of her neck was exposed to sheer cliff drop.


This can't be fr. How'd you even have a hard on. I'd shit my pants just looking at the drop from there.


There are no drops that are 12k feet, at least not above water, dunno about those deep ocean trenches. What he is saying is he was on top of a mountain that had 12k foot elevation, and there was a cliff on the mountain that they were at. Cliff could have been a measly 20 feet, or hundreds of feet, but it wasn't 12k don't worry


Then you pushed her off to rid of the evidence




I live in idaho


Scary isn't it


In the front seat of my truck in the middle of a grocery store parking lot in the middle of the day


Not me a friend. He had sex in his girlfriends bedroom. With her brother!


Was it the boyfriend and the brother or all three?


He was closeted and dated the girl so he had an excuse to hang around her younger brother(just a year). So he showed up while his gf was running late and told him they would be a few hours late. So the friend and the brother went to her room since the brother shared his room. They closed the door. A bit later the father hears noises. Runs to her room kicks the door open. "Helen I told you to keep the door open when...." He sees his son being the sub of the relationship. "Hey dad"


Holy shit I was expecting that much detail but I kinda love that


Pretty shitty thing to do regardless of orientation


Church basement during a Christmas party. Wasn’t so much scared of the basement, it was well lit, but people were moving past the door and I was just waiting for one to open the door


The holy ghost was looking out for you


NYC community garden


In a brothel In Austria…


Under a bridge in a park and in the back seat of a car in a crowded parking lot


Principlals private bathroom last year. Im an office aid and they told me to clean his bathroom and it was already clean. I texted my gf to come by. She snuck in. We went at it. But then right as we walked out we saw the principal walk in the office and go into the bathroom.


Laundromat Southside chicago


In the shower while visiting family members


The bathroom in a police station with my crazy ex, the color photo dark room in the community College same ex, a public path in the woods behind a school, same ex, behind a bush while another couple had sex on the opposite side.... same ex


Iraq … in a conex or a huge metal container … as soon as we get into the bizzznass the sirens ring for incoming fire … we get mortar rounds but we kept on going … you could say it was a happy ending


In prison


Do we even want to know?


I want to know 🙋


I thought I was going to be unique with my cemetery story, but it looks like there are quite a few of us. I was 17 and on a double date with a friend and a couple of goth girls we both knew. One of the girls asked if we wanted to get stoned in the cemetery. An hour later, we're going at it on a grave slab in the middle of a sea of headstones with Sisters of Mercy wafting out of my walkman, while my friend debated whether Christianity was an offshoot of ancient Sumerian paganism with his date a few feet away. It was a weird night, but I kind of miss being that young and brave.


Y’all have sex?


At my ultra-religious uncle's wedding, in the dungeon-like basement of this creepy nunnery where the reception was held. Good times!


In a bunker in Afghanistan with one of the female cooks. I tore that shit up hoping the people smoking near by wouldn't hear me clapping those cheeks and hoping taliban wouldn't mortar our base before I can finish. She then finished me off with some head and proceeded to swallow. She was an amazing girl... What a great deployment. I was infantry and had an amazing, exciting deployment. Filled with lots of fun, danger and some sorrow and to end it on month 9 with clapping some cheeks...amazing


A date's vehicle, parked in an empty lot. In the back of my head, I kept thinking some cop would come driving by.


In a car at a public park in the middle of the day. it wasn’t scary like in the halloween spook sense but more in the holy fuck if we get caught we’re going to jail type of scary. Man what a rush


On a low building’s roof, surrounded by other, taller buildings with large windows. Still not sure if we were seen.


In a cave. Not the kind where a guide walk you through dimly lit rooms with railways and "DO NOT TOUCH" signs. The kind where you have to crawl through a small hole just above the ground, and then it's headlamps once you're inside. The act was scary, and almost felt primal.


The altar of an abandoned church? I mean, it was empty, no one else was using it and she was REALLY WANTING IT, so I just complied... Creepy as fuck, but I was too horny to care at the moment tho...


A married woman’s house.


Did you know at the time?