I *want to try this* so bad.

You have to get a match first. 

You're right...no more paying cheap back-alley hookers for me- 

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Especially in this economy lol

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Not on base they didnt

Next you’ll ask how her day is going and she won’t respond.


Damn wish I would’ve seen this a few mins ago.

Your mom jokes. 

Mum jokes will never get old, unlike your mum


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I too want to be in a threesome. Not a sexual one, I just want to have an argument with a couple. 

and I'll just be there in a corner watching 

 And I'll be watching you, watching him.

And I’ll be supplying popcorn 

I watch, sometimes on the couch, sometimes from the closet, almost always dressed as superman 

did... did you just "that's a lot of damage" your own post?

Reminds me of those people that post their own 'sick burns' to r/murderedbywords


Make it your profile image.


😭I feel attacked

I am sorry


whenever i see media of Steve, he always looks like he needs a fat joint and a two month vacation.

He hates being on the show that's why. He wants off but he has to wait for his contract to expire. He's tired of the dumb answers and dirty questions. He should do stand up comedy again that was hilarious, i loved his black people vs white people jokes

i hope he gets paid and rides off into the sunset. I'm gonna go check out his stand up stuff - i didnt know he did that.

Damn

wooo

Lol arsehole

Same but now that it has been posted here I can't because people might now that I've just stolen it so I gotta wait another 3 year or so and till then I will have forgotten it anyway

You will find a match when it's time

Do not text us nemore

You want to try this so bad

Can someone please queue up "Want you bad - The Offspring"? Thank you

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ur fun

Sharing the same sense of humor. Green flag. Proceed.

Green and red flags are not about personal preferences..

Sharing the same humor is a green flag though, it’s almost always a positive

A red flag can be a dealbreaker (and should be), but a dealbreaker isnt always a red flag This message brought to you by the wonders of communication with your potential partners, seriously yall try it

No thank you, I'd prefer to bottle up mild annoyances till things blow way out of proportion on something completely unrelated.


At this point, it's like POVs on tiktok

POV: you just wasted 10 seconds of your life scrolling through a stupid argument about nothing on Reddit

Call it a green light, then? Think we’re being a little pedantic here.

Idk, the difference between colored flags and personal preferences seems pretty big to me

So everyone agrees on what a red flag is? It’s got nothing to do with personal preference? I don’t know about that. I think different folks would see different colored flags in the same person. Politics is one example.

I mean, I'm just saying there's a big difference between a waving red piece of fabric and something as abstract as personal opinions. I really don't understand why we're comparing personality and vexillology

Lmao the logic presented here is a red flag.

What

Damn wish I would’ve seen this a few mins ago

I’m concerned what you mean by that

Hahahaha that's what i was thinking too

Its okay, he only use the frying pan this time

So you could've copied the joke instead of coming up with your own? C'mon man.

If you think this is an original joke you’d be sadly mistaken my friend

You made me shudder remembering A03

 I prefer this method

Colin Mochrie is *always* the preferred method

if im texting a girl and she drops a Colin Mochrie gif, im putting a ring on it.

Recently discovered Drew's live inprovaganza on YouTube and it's great. (Basically whose line live.)

Damn bro do we need to have a convo about the ethics of hypnosis ???

I live by a strict no-hypnosis code, but then I also live by a code that says "Just do it!!"

It would have really gotten to me if I was single.

Saw that in the Michael Scott mass effect video yesterday, great quote.

r/unexpectedmichaelscott

“Think about all the stuff you can get people to do. Sex stuff.” - Schmidt

Fun fact! You can’t be hypnotized to do anything against your will. Hypnosis makes suggestions, meaning it can make doing something sound like a great idea, but it can’t make you sleep with someone you otherwise wouldn’t, or murder someone, or anything like that. Source: I used to be really into hypnotism, and actually successfully hypnotized a friend once! I made her forget her name, be unable to hear out of one ear, and then I gave her extra energy for the rest of the night when she was coming out of hypnosis, because she’d complained about being sleepy. Then ten minutes later she was jumping and dancing all around the house 😂

Can you hypnotize me into having more energy too

yeah, just give me like 10 minutes. here's a couple energy drinks and a line of cocaine while you wait....

I bet you can if you give them enough scopolomine

I actually have a huge phobia of hypnosis, everything about it terrifies me because people say that you can’t do anything against your will but there are cases of mainly women being hypnotized by someone and being molested. There was a case where the police got involved and there was video evidence and everything. A woman was being hypnotized by her divorce attorney or something. The woman became suspicious because she would leave a meeting with him, not remembering much and finding herself wet and her bra askew. Eventually she alerted the authorities and placed a camera while the police waited outside the door. They caught the guy in action, he had clearly put her in a trance and was telling her to submit to him and that she was aroused by him, to take her bra off, etc. He was brought to court. Another guy posted his experience saying he was hypnotized at a show and the hypnotist said he would have to walk around the room before going to sit in his chair, he didn’t want to and decided not to but COULD NOT sit down without going around the room. How is that not against your will? Genuinely asking.

Whoa 🤯

The story still scares the shit outta me to this day

I remember when we had a hypnotist come to our school for a spirit week type thing. Basically like a special event for the entire school. At one point he has four or five students sitting and they're playing some sort of hypnotized game where you fill in the blanks. One question is a celebrity you would like to kiss. Kinda inappropriate to ask kids, but whatever. They get to this one guy who was a friendly guy, but very rural. I don't want to be mean and call him a hick, but he was basically a friendly hick. Took a ton of shop classes and wore Carhartt jackets, that sort of guy. The hypnotist is moving his way down the line and gets to this guy, asking him the celebrity he'd like to kiss. From the trance, this guy gets a huge smile on his face and screams out "KENNY CHESNEY". The hypnotist kinda pauses, and then just keeps running down the line with questions. For context, this was like 12 years ago and in a rural area. This guy had a girlfriend and everything, not sure if he actually was gay or anything like that, but my god I can't imagine that's how you'd want to come out if you were.

>Fun fact! You can’t be hypnotized to do anything against your will. Hypnosis makes suggestions, meaning it can make doing something sound like a great idea, but it can’t make you sleep with someone you otherwise wouldn’t, or murder someone, or anything like that. fuck sake separate the quotes already reddit you shitter >I made her forget her name, be unable to hear out of one ear These sound pretty mutually exclusive

Why would it be mutually exclusive? If the friend likes the suggestions of being unable to hear and forget her name, then it works. I am a big proponent of hypnosis myself and i would support the statement that it can't make you do things you disagree with, but if you consent to the suggestions you get then they often work.

I mean, with the power of justification, you can get people to like the suggestion of murder.

Yes, I made her unable to hear out of one ear first, and then I put her back into hypnosis, removed that command, and switched it to the one of forgetting her name before bringing her out of trance again.

[no we don’t](https://static.vecteezy.com/system/resources/previews/007/994/591/large_2x/black-and-white-spiral-background-free-vector.jpg)

No .. we don’t 😳

What hypnotists has ethics!?

There's no problem with that Hypnosis is very useful to make confused people to think and make the right things which are obeying me 😂

You good mate Can you smell burnt toast? Need me to call someone?

I'm guessing the person you are replying to isn't writing in their first language.

Yeah well if this goes viral it won't be authentic or awesome anymore... uhp, too late.

I'd much rather hook someone who doesn't spend hours on the Internet, this is a good way to filter.

But you're spending hours on the internet?

That's right, he's aware of how detrimental would be to date somebody like him

There can only be one…

True, the guy has nearly half a million karma

Holy shit, and I thought mine was high lmao, I also don’t post too much shit

I don't consider it a good thing!

Until you find out that Tinder is on the internet as well.

no wonder it has such a high long term failure rate

This was copied from TikTok, so it's already 'viral'


All glory to the hypnotoad

All glory to the hypnotoad

All glory to the hypnotoad

All glory to the hypnotoad

This is so ol- ALL HAIL HYPNOTOAD


Drugs are for losers and hypnosis is for losers with big, weird eyebrows!

All hail hypnotoad

(She’s So Heavy)

She’s not heavy, she’s my brother!

Very few people will get this but as a musician i chuckled. Nice

The beatles really are such an underrated gem

Does anyone outside of the Indy scene even know who they are???

All old songs are by the Beatles. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/He_Ain%27t_Heavy,_He%27s_My_Brother

I dont understand your point

Fantastically heavy song, especially on vinyl as the abrupt ending of that side can be surprising at first lol.

It’s that Australian band called The Beagles, right?

Why’d I read this in that Quasimodo “I am deformed” voice?

New strat just dropped boys. Try it while its fresh and not played out

Post is now 9 hours old, it's already been used millions of times, dead strat

Matched on 2/2. It's been eons.

This might be the first actually good opener I've ever seen on r/tinder

I want you so bad it’s driving me mad

That's a good one

Hahahahhahahahaha this is amazing

Fantastic start. Hard to follow up with this though. Next you’ll ask how her day is going and she won’t respond.

she is so heavyyyy

It's driving me mad

#🎹

Our avatars look so alike.

***I WANT THEM SOO BAD***😵‍💫

UNUS ANNUS

Unus Annus. Memento mori.

UNUS ANNUS

Hate us cuz they anus

So how did it go

r/textmindcontrol

Hahah omg this sub is nuts

Rizzler

Wow. Creative thinking!

 You want to go on a date with me and would very much like to meet my parents sometime after we figure out if we're a match and such

I want to match with you maybe go on a date and ghost each other..wait thats not what you said

Meh, close enough

The force is strong with this one.

All hail the hypno toad

I can hear her answer in a monotone hypnotized voice.

Sometimes im not surprised you guys stay single


Too bad hypnosis is for losers with big bushy eyebrows.

These are not the droids you’re looking for

Memento Mori. Unus Annus.

I came here for this 🤍💀

Momento mori my friend

I did try it. Got unmatched 😆🤣

This only works if you’re attractive

When all else fails, I use lotion.

😭this jus reminded me of unus annus 😭😭

😂

That is funny

Your battery's gonna die by the time GPS gets you half way to her house.

Charge your damn phone

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It might be you. Just a guess.

I see you stole from TikTok lol

Let ne bring u to my house. Please so I can give you some hard. Core piano sex ok

op is *down* bad

cringe

I thought it was pretty clever

Lol

this would honestly have gotten me if i was single.

Let us know if it works!!

good idea

That’s quite clever.

Hahaha only german girls may not understand the pun here

Before the block button was struck, I tore open a portal in time…

I do

I might try this

Genius.

Whoa. Save some pussy for the rest of us, bruh.

It’s Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness. Don’t match with him

I want you to want me 

I wouldn’t, seems like the price of admission is a little too low. Wouldn’t wanna make a mistake. You know?

Lmaoooo this is amazing

Have we not learned anything from Get Out?

Do not fucking text us anymore we are happily married

Gonna get a lot of copycats now

One of the best openers I've ever seen

"I will give him my credit card number"

It’s adorable and cheeky and unique. What’s not too love

Best opener I've seen in a while

This is actually pretty amazing

Ah hypnosis.. the untraceable rohypnol. Classy!

It's supposed to give you a splitting headache!