T O P
muaddict071537

When I was little, I used to write letters to the tooth fairy. My mom would write back in glittery pen and over-the-top cursive (she would even draw little teeth on it). According to the letters, the tooth fairy was named Tabitha.


tattieathotmail

Ours was Gwendolyn.


muaddict071537

Gwendolyn is a good tooth fairy name.


iISimaginary

Much better than "The Bone Collector"


Geresznye

An a LOT better than "The Bone*r* Collector"


Fskn

My ex wife is the tooth fairy?


hollyzgrace

Yes. Yes she is.


AntiKouk

Sounds very Welsh


rckrusekontrol

Gwendolyn Llewellyn, at your syrvyce.


_DONT_PM_ME_NOTHING

I asked the neighbors to write a short message from the TF since my handwriting was too easy to recognize


BucktoothedAvenger

My parents sucked. My tooth fairy was named Stanley Lee, DDS, and he lived about two houses down.


WeirdIsAlliGot

So not only was he writing comics, but Stan Lee was a dentist too?


BucktoothedAvenger

Yup. A second generation Chinese-American dentist. Multi-faceted guy.


kthulhu666

Incisior!


texthibitionist

/r/angryupvote


[deleted]

He used his Marvel profits to put money under kid’s pillows. That’s how he bankrolled the whole operation.


nomdeflip

My wife did this with my daughter's. I still remember the day some jerky boy at school told my oldest daughter that the tooth fairy was not real. It really broke her 💔. It was a bad couple days for her, she made fairy house in the woods and a bear destroyed it over night and took a shit on it. Then the she shared with her class what bear had done and that's when a boy made fun of her for believing in fairy folk.


DuncanIdahoPotatos

If fairy folk aren’t real, then who pissed off the bear enough to destroy their house and then poop on it? That boy was dumb.


BettaBorn

Exactly


taxdude1966

When I was little and an older girl told me that her mother just took the tooth and flushed it, I just assumed it was because she was naughty and the tooth fairy refused to visit her so her mother had to do it.


SavoirFlaire

Tabitha Toothington


slowmood

This backfired on me. I left some fairy dust for my kid because he asked the fairies -in a note- to train him to do magic. He tried to do magic with the fairy dust and was SO disappointed.


amoebasaremyspirita

Oh that is wholesome and precious! Maybe sprinkle some fairy dust (seeds) with him on some moist soil and he can be introduced to the magic of…plant germination? IDK, life is magical in my opinion


HuskerHayDay

A decent excuse to start an MJ plant. Could be a family event.


Herbin-Cowboy

We must share a brain cause I was thinking the exact same thing. Plant the right kind of seed and it can be fun for the whole family. Especially for Dad.


yo_yo_vietnamese

I have a distinct memory of writing a letter to the tooth fairy asking if it’d be possible for her to leave me a little more money next time because I’d heard my parents talking about how they weren’t sure how they would pay the bills. I had to have absolutely broken my parents hearts…


agillenk

I babysat a family friend’s daughter for a few years awhile back. I happened to be watching her overnight when she lost her first tooth, so I had to play the tooth fairy, naturally. I was only 16 at the time, and recalling how magic the tooth fairy was for me, I wanted this to be really involved. I wrote a short letter in my fanciest not-so-fancy handwriting, left a trail of glitter from her window to her pillow, left her $5, and even left a little sequin, pretending that the fairy had left a wing scale behind. I think it healed my inner child a bit. Her reaction the next morning was priceless. Thanks for posting this and reminding me of my memory!


KeepRightX2Pass

You're amazing - Of course the parents will need to keep that up or the little one will be disappointed next go around! :-)


catterybarn

Op is awesome but I think the parents hated him from there on out lmao


ExtraVeganTaco

Mum and dad were only planning to spend $1.


jargo1

My cousins came up with a great solution for this after the grandparents left their child a $5 bill from the tooth fairy. They explained to the child that the cleaner, better cared for the tooth the more money it’s worth. Encourages better dental hygiene and explains away a smaller payday for the next tooth.


NashvilleHot

It used to be a quarter! (Talk about inflation…)


tdaun

My kid just lost their first tooth, my wife looked up the going price of a tooth online and people were suggesting $10-$15 in our area. We just went with a gold dollar coin. Definitely went over way better for a kid that has no concept of dollar value.


agillenk

They were actually thrilled. Her mom is a very artsy-fun type of person.


nmaxfieldbruno

Some poor schmuck is gonna roll this dollar up to rip a line of coke and wind up with glitter in his brains


RogerPackinrod

Some unfortunate prick is going to get kicked out of his house when he comes home covered with trace amounts of glitter


Suekru

Tbf, if your relationship is that fragile, it wasn’t gonna last anyway.


101stArrow

Tbf, if your relationship is that hypothetical, it wasn’t gonna last anyway. 🙃


CCHS_Band_Geek

My hypothetical girlfriend and I are doing just fine, thank you.


4Ever2Thee

Hey! Don't bring my girl into this, she goes to another school


DividedState

And his wife will divorce him thinking he snorted that line from a stripper's ass.


strippersandcocaine

You rang?


chillwithpurpose

Hello, old friend. Back for all of my money again?


DaddyFigured

Oh hey, it's my toot fairy


Arduousjourney420

You mean a stripper fairy's ass.


Lardsoup

That made me laugh.


Lets_Make_A_bad_DEAL

Some poor schmuck is going to get change back at 7/11 or something and his wife is going to think he went to the strip club and lied about it


Iamnotsmartspender

Some poor waiter is gonna get this on a table and it's gonna get glitter all over their apron and the rest of the money. (Personal experience with fairy money)


rootoo

Some poor fish will have this break down in its digestive track and leach forever chemicals into its bloodstream.


EZPKSquelch

So the strippers were putting money in his G string?


mrootbeers

Can you snort into the brain? I thought it was only the nerves that went into the brain? Did I just get r/whoosh?


SnooHabits2486

It’s okay, sometimes we get r/whooshed and sometimes we r/whoosh others. It’s the circle of r/whoosh.


mrootbeers

It’s the ccccirrrcle of whoosh!


shelleygreen

And it whooshes us all


FourFurryCats

Lackofbrainsya! Seeya nothoughta!


begopa-

Microplastics 🙃


nellie_1017

Even so, glitter is probably less of a health risk than coke!


Muchie913

depends is it coke like the drink or the stuff you snort?


[deleted]

[удалено]


ParadiseHuntress24

How to get coal miner's lung without being a coal miner.


mellric

Doctors hate this one WEIRD trick that helps you get COAL MINER’S LUNG overnight!


[deleted]

If he’s got coke he’s not poor


ac112ahm

Coke isn’t that expensive try buying a house.


catterybarn

Awwwwwwwyeah. Houses are my drug of choice


teatimewithbatman1

How does one acquire the drug of safety and security? I just use alcohol


bullet_proof_smile

No one snorts from ones


ac112ahm

I’ve seen lots of young people snort from ones, the dirtiest note.


CesarMillan_Official

Glitter in the brain is how you turn into the crab off of Moana.


Diablojota

I read it as angel dust originally. Don’t know why. Definitely better to have glitter up the nose than angle dust.


satanslilslut

Speak for yourself


berkeleyjake

That's how new tooth fairies are made.


Bilun26

The glitter introduced to that house will outlive the deception.


cromulantusername

Cannot stand glitter. One of my mom’s friends rode with us to an Indian wedding reception and her outfit had glitter on it. Damn car seat was covered for weeks!


WaywardWriteRhapsody

My prom dress was covered in glitter. My date was finding glitter in her truck for years after that!


[deleted]

[удалено]


lynivvinyl

Star note stripper glitter.


newmmy

I’m glad I wasn’t the OnlyFan of the star note.


leicanthrope

Grandpa's gotta get that money somehow.


Rydrslydr715

This is going in r/cursedcomments


Rogue100

Was wondering if anyone else noticed it was a star note!


Geekdad604

r/HolUp


ShoelessJodi

I was in charge of a fundraiser a few years ago and this little 7 year old have me a bunch singles covered in glitter. The next day her mom (who happened to be my kids kindergarten teacher) came up to me and said "sooo, I just needed to clarify, the dollars my daughter gave you were tooth fairy dollars, that's why there's glitter on them. I promise I'm not a stripper". It was hilarious.


sadetheruiner

That’s super cute! Much more wholesome then the other reason I’ve seen glitter on bills… I always gave my kiddo silver dollars, or weird bills from other countries. He has quite a collection of strange currency now, even though he know now that it was me he keeps them around.


Anethiel

He very probably keeps them around **because** he knows that it was you.


sadetheruiner

I’m pretty sure lol. He has already knows.


MaryVenetia

This is such a cute idea. Thank you for sharing it!


Mesoposty

And a star note, was that on purpose? Tell them the star is special bills from the tooth fairy?


JustAHerpDerp

In case OP doesn’t know the star at the end of the serial indicates that the bill was printed to replace another bill with the same serial number that had an error. While your specific serial number doesn’t seem to special, the bill is slightly worth more than a dollar to a collector.


nellie_1017

I didn't know that- fascinating piece of information!!


oncore2011

HerpDerp dropping knowledge. 👍


sharksnut

If it's been replaced *twice*, they add fairy dust


bunnyrut

Dang. I got one and saved it. Now I gotta look for it.


degggendorf

Wait why do they even bother reprinting serial numbers? Is it somehow important that the specific bill with that specific number exists?


Budget_Inevitable721

I googled. First, they want every batch to have the same number of bills. 2nd, they don't reuse the serial, the replacement bills have their own version of the serial system which is why they have the star, just in case it somehow happens that a normal and replacement both had the same.


degggendorf

Neat, thanks. Guess I could have done the same googling myself, but I appreciate your effort.


techmonkey920

No ... he gets them from the strip club and tells you he puts it on . Thats stripper dust 🤣


Jahmoneyzzz

There was this time my uncle came to visit from out of town. So one night all the brothers went out and came back at like 2am. Said they went to the casino, but then we noticed my uncle had a streak of glitter from his belly to his chest. LOL caught red handed.


Jim_Pickens_Mafia

I used to call it that too LMAO


buttqwax

Lmoa, are you implying he strips? Strippers wear glitter. People put clean money on the stripper's body to tip. The money gets glitter on it. That money generally doesn't find its way back to patrons...


DannySpud2

I've never been to one but I assume there's some facility for changing large bills into smaller ones which would presumably give you a handful of "pre-tipped" bills which you might not necessarily tip back.


MerryMortician

Yeah that's just the story he told his wife... in there trying to jerk the tooth out of his daughter's face to make an alibi lol.


merkk

Only a dollar? Doesn't the tooth fairy know about inflation? :)


yucatan36

How does one obtain fairy dust? Asking for myself


darrenwise883

Grab one fairy , choke and shake , well shake while choking actually.


IrregularRedditor

I just throw the whole thing into a blender.


pumpkinbot

I prefer my fairy dust without pulp, thanks.


thenewestuser69

Just strain it with a cheese cloth.


mfdoorway

Step one: download tor


salted_toothpaste

1. Have grandparents 2. ??? 3. Profit


hunglow13

According to /u/Arduousjourney420, a stripper fairy's ass


wilsonvilleguy

Local strip club


[deleted]

Fairy dust comes from grinding up fairies. If you snort the powder you will be able to use magic!


real_voiceofreason

Glitter is pure evil.


Throwawaystwo

The deception runs deep


oncore2011

Gets them ready for future lies. 1st the tooth fairy, then santa, then jesus.


HippieInDisguise2_0

Then the realization that we all die and that social security and retirement probably won't exist for our people today.


disgustandhorror

CONSUME. OBEY. MARRY AND REPRODUCE


ChrismPow

People go quite far out of their way to lie to their own children.


Psychological_Web687

So when you found out the tooth fairy real, were you actually upset? Personally I didn't care, same with Santa.


Veighnerg

Then the glitter gets all over the pillow, gets in the kids eye, causes an infection and they lose the eye. Glitter is NOT to be fucked with. https://www.reddit.com/r/todayilearned/comments/7qyumy/til_a_woman_lost_an_eye_due_to_a_piece_of_glitter/


brokefixfux

I made origami with dollar bills. My child thought that my fingers were too fat to make them, so it had to be the tooth fairy,


skyraider17

Why do so many people think this is a great idea? I would hate having glitter in my bed, especially near where my face goes. Hope she doesn't breathe it in or get any in her eyes...


PlatinumDon15

All these stripper note comments gonna have her thinking… Lmaoo y’all boutta have her pressing and stressing


Noice_Memes321

I was gonna comment this but you got me covered


mrootbeers

Just make sure she doesn’t go on Reddit.


Burning_Flags

I guess inflation hasn’t hit the teeth market quite yet


Tjoppy73

Lies!! Just like Santa and his Dutch origin Sinterklaas. First you make children believe this is real, later you tell them it's not. Why?


mr3vak

For fucks sake, quit lying to your children.


TaxExempt

And quit polluting the environment needlessly.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Suekru

I never felt fooled or betrayed because when I found out they weren’t real I was smart enough to realize they were just games to make my childhood fun. If you honestly would have felt lied to or betrayed, then that’s pretty sad, and I think it states how much of a privileged life you have if that’s all it takes to break a relationship with your parents.


nugslayer109

Craft herpes


rom-ok

Mmmmmmm micro plastics


Rcknr1

Glitter is actually a micro plastic and is terrible for human health and the environment


3xTheSchwarm

I hate the tooth fairy. My son comes home at six year old. "Daddy why does Keith get $20 everytime he loses a tooth but I only get $1?" "Because Keith's dad is a lawyer, son. Because Keith's dad is a lawyer."


Quadstriker

Tooth is only worth a buck in 2022?


Mykidsarelittleshits

A dollar?that fairy better do another flyby...


teduh

One buck for a tooth? In the year 2022?? ..Dang, I guess times is tough even for the tooth fairy.


richardec

One dollar? I gave my kids two bucks in the 1990s.


Canuckleheadman

Teeth were worth a buck like 20 years ago, hasn't the tooth fairy heard of inflation?!


baenpb

I keep a strict rule against glitter in the house, but I suppose the grandparents don't need to do the laundry. Brilliant!


oktieguy

Or he is just trying to dispose of the left over dollar bills he had when he left the strip club.


FillupDubya

And WHO puts fairy dust on your dollar bills…🤔🤔🤔


itsbjj

Picked it up from the strip club


WiskeyGinger

Sureeeee, hes just glittering all of the dollars in the house so he doesn’t get caught!


meetjoehomo

30 years from now, when you go to sell your house, you will find glitter


jaykay12411

Great excuse for all that stripper money he has


_scorp_

Wait dollar bills with glitter on them and you think they are from a fairy….well anyone giving to tell her ?


phunk_yeah

How to explain to your wife why there is glitter in your wallet.


loondawg

That dollar looks like it came straight from the strip club. "Ya, did that for the tooth fairy."


mister-salty67

That dollar was from the strip club


lil_HarzIV

My dad used angeldust instead


FyreSalamandr

Best cover up for getting change at the strippers


JoeMoe2021

Hasn't the tooth fairy heard of inflation? $20 is the new dollar bill.


Samiautumn

I bought colourful feathers, and when my daughter loses a tooth I’ll drop a feather somewhere near her bed. She has a small collection of “fairy feathers”.


BoringAccountNG

Your husband is working as a stripper and is laundering the ***ones*** through your daughter.


jkappa11

Sir those are stripper dollars.


NobleX13

That dollar bill came from a strip club. “Fairy dust = body glitter” 😂


UnfitForReality

Just grab dollar bills from the strip club, saves adding the glitter yourself


sticks1987

This is body glitter from a stripper


Deadboy90

Hey that's the same explanation my wife gave me when I asked her why all her cash was covered in glitter.


lex10

Yeah. No strip club suspicion here.....


rufiothewolf

some dollar bills come with glitter already on them


fsamson3

Inb4 reddit losers call your caring husband an abusive piece of shit Edit: lol didn’t even take 40 seconds of scrolling


Dinodigger67

i kept an old note my daughter put under her pillow for the tooth fairy that says “can I have 2 dollars?”


aBunchOfSpiders

Dudes a legend. Got change at the strip club and played it off as fairy dust from the tooth fairy.


Totchahaki

i now have 2 reasons on why theres glitter on my $1 bills


DogsAreDirty

My mom did this every time, on $10 and $20 bills and the cashiers at toys r us were noticeably annoyed. Great memory.


a-leeT

Our tooth fairy only paid in $2 bills or dollar coins. Money they don’t see everyday. And when they’d go to spend it they were always excited to find out it was real currency. They were true believers!!


gijoe50000

My mother used to put cotton wool around the fireplace on Christmas morning, and pretend it was part of Santa's beard! And our neighbour who had horses used to run the out around the green on Christmas night to put hoof prints in the grass, and of course all of us idiot kids fell for it hook, line and sinker!


JoyfulExmo

LOVE IT. When my daughter lost her first tooth my husband printed a letter from the tooth fairy in the TINIEST font imaginable, then cut it out so it was about 2” sq., for authenticity points.


Effective_Hope_9120

Why you gotta lie to your kids? Just say yeah getting older is crazy you're going to lose and regrow all your teeth. Let's go get ice cream.


mfdoorway

To be fair most dollars have at one point had “fairy” dust on them.


Shine-Logical

Lying to your kids is an aww moment?


curious-mind-

That's so cute!


thelovelyrose99

Please don’t do this without gluing the glitter on. Don’t want your kid to breath in glitter


Friendly-Candidate25

Stop giving kids dirty money. Give them a nice, crisp, only used to snort glitter, 50$ bill.


cagingnicolas

benevolent gaslighting. it's fun to control what your kids believe and teach them to accept non-reality, right? no way that could bite our society in the ass later...


NocturneCaligo

I used to put ‘special’ commemorative coins in my little sisters tooth fairy box, still puts a smile on my face whenever she proudly tells people about what the tooth fairy used to leave for her.


Yorspider

I draw tiny little hand and foot prints on them....


longoverdue83

That’s Gingers money


cupcakegiraffe

Tellers at the bank hate this stuff, it gets everywhere when the business it is spent at deposits their bills. Please just give her coins or something.


SuperfluousWingspan

Gotta say, it really is odd how we collectively decide to lie to our kids en masse (and make sure to never reveal the truth to anyone else's kid either). Basically harmless probably, but weird.


5in1K

Always good to have people who believe firmly in stuff that isn't real. Good on you two for priming that pump hard.


redgrognard

When my kiddos were little, I would do something similar. But I rolled the “golden” dollar coins in glitter and left those as tooth fairy gifts. Cause the TF deals in Gold, don’t you know. Best of all, while helping my college-age daughter pack some things for storage, I found a little velvet bag: she has kept most of her TF ‘gold’ as keepsakes.


digitaljestin

That's not what happened. Your husband clearly got change at the strip club, and came up with an excuse for why his money is glittery.


Stoso11

Or he’s laundering stripper money


renasissanceman6

Adults lying to children to create that seed of doubt in authority for their entire lives. Don’t worry the churches are happy they don’t have to pay for fairy dust to trick you.


InjectingMyNuts

Churches trick you and get *you* to pay. Much smarter than the tooth fairy's business model.


renasissanceman6

Oh yeah. They have perfected it.


moumous87

I’m not sure that teaching kids that fairy tales are real is a good thing. Sure, they’ll learn and survive… but what’s the point of making kids believe in magic just to later tell them that you lied in the name of “tradition”?


shellexyz

It’ll be even more effective if he gets a Google voice number he can save in his phone as “Tooth Fairy” and have text conversations telling the TF about when she loses a tooth and it’s time for a pickup. He could even delay retrieval for a day or two, then when the daughter asks why TF hasn’t come, he can discover via text that TF tried but her room was too messy and he had trouble finding the tooth.


[deleted]

Superstition brings life long trauma.


The42ndSpaceCowboy

Kids these days don’t know how good they have it. I only got a quarter back in my day, 35 years ago.


Goddamtoad

35 years ago my teeth were worth 5 bucks each! Your tooth fairy was cheap.


opposite_singularity

Accounting for inflation that’s about the same as a dollar


Kiflaam

hey my tooth is gone... and a stripper's been here!


AirborneArmyGuy

We chose not to lie to our kids about Santa, Easter bunny, tooth fairy, etc. to give them a more grounded version of reality. A lot of parent continue the tradition because it happened to them, but kids internalize that their parent lied to them for many years and we wanted to break the cycle.