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Shaken Baby Syndrome?

I am very embarrassed to be asking this and feel horribly guilty, but saw there were other similar posts made in here so hopefully I will not be judged too harshly. My husband and mom both believe my son is fine but I wanted to ask if anyone else here had a similar experience.

My son is 10 weeks old. He’s going through a growth spurt we believe and the last two nights has been up every two hours for a bottle like clockwork. For example: he wakes up at 3:00, half hour to feed then burp/sit up for a bit, change diaper, back to bed. Then it keeps feeling like right when I fall back asleep finally, he’s back up screaming. Yesterday I was dizzy and felt dead. My husband does the midnight bottle but that’s it…unless I ask during the day once he’s home from work.

This morning at 5:00, when my son started screaming, I was angry. I just wanted to sleep. I got up, put him down in the living room while I got his bottle, and went to get him. He was still screaming when I got to him and my head was pounding. I said “please stop screaming” and picked him up. When I picked him up, it was rougher than normal. I did not shake him but I almost yanked him up from the couch and his head seemed like it was jolted a bit (think when you come to a jerky stop at a stop sign in a car, I don’t know how else to explain it). Immediately, my rage drained away and I was filled with horror at my reaction. He was screaming for the bottle as normal and still ate. He went back to sleep fine but I just held him, kissed him, told him I was sorry, and cried. I sat there crying while I searched here and read about how violent babies need to be shaken for shaken baby head syndrome but I’m still scared I hurt him. I’m horrified I COULD have hurt him. I’m mortified I lost my temper on my innocent baby who is only growing. I can’t stop crying now.

Is my baby ok? It’s been 3 hours, he’s up active and interacting with me. Also, is there anyone else here who has done something similar? Am I alone in this?

crd1293

OP. There’s no way for anyone on the internet to know if you might’ve shaken your baby. From what you share, it’s unlikely you could’ve cause SBS but again, it’s impossible to know because none of us were there. The only way to assuredly know whether your baby is ok is to take them to get checked out.


ExistingEgg8472

It’s okay to walk away for a few minutes to gather yourself and check your emotions. Baby will be fine. I have three kids and my mother in law told me it’s okay to put them in a safe place and let them cry so you don’t rush in there angry. They need you to soothe them and you can’t do that if your angry, they’ll pick up on that. Usually a few minutes at 3am is all you need. A quick sip of ice cold water and splash of water on the face resets you. Please don’t beat yourself up for this. I do encourage you to talk to your husband and ask for more help. We did what we call shift work parenting while the babies were really little. He would come home around 6 and I was off duty. He did everything household and parenting from the second he walked in the door. If I haven’t eaten we’d eat, then I’d go to bed. He would take over baby duties from 6pm-3am. Kitchen cleanup, bath time, living room clean up if needed, he’d set the coffee for the morning, and all baby diapers and feeds. He did go to bed around midnight, and I’d get the 3am. He got good at timing and would set an alarm for a dream feed so baby never woke up, we’d go in there and feed before the wake up. When the baby would wake at 6, it was my turn to handle everything. Each of us got the same amount of sleep. I highly recommend it. It not only helps you, but it helps your husband feel like he’s really bonding with the baby and gives baby two parents they can go to.


ExistingEgg8472

My youngest is two and we’re done having babies. However, if you don’t have anyone to call, talk to, vent to, cry to…you can message me. You’re not alone and so many of us moms have been there and feel the guilt too. You’re doing great. You got this.


pinap45454

My grandmother who raised five children with little help would frequently give the advice that it’s ok to put them in their crib and close the door while you collect yourself. This advice is really important. Parenting a young infant is very hard and the stakes are very high. Sometimes you need to just put them in a safe place and walk away. If you feel yourself getting really upset or so sleep deprived it’s becoming unsafe, it’s always better to put them in a safe place (i.e. their crib) and to take some space. I found even reminding myself that it was an option really helped when I felt overwhelmed. From what you’ve described it does not sound like you shook the baby, but learn from this and move forward.


PedsRN2010

THIS. Even as they get older, I’ve locked myself in my bathroom and taken a shower, alone, when I just needed 10 minutes to gather myself. Putting baby in crib is a perfectly appropriate response.


Meldanya44

The Public Health nurse gave me the same advice when I was a new mom. That it's okay to put them down in a safe space and walk into a different room for 10-15 minutes and compose yourself.


PromptElectronic7086

Other people have addressed shaken baby syndrome, so OP I'm going to address your health. Please get your blood pressure checked out. You're a bit outside the typical range for postpartum hypertension/preeclampsia, but dizziness and headaches are symptoms I had when my blood pressure was spiking just before I was diagnosed with postpartum preeclampsia.


jfp216

I actually had preeclampsia when pregnant and delivered him early due to it. I’m currently on labetalol and have an upcoming appointment with a cardiologist because my numbers are still high! Checking my pressure every morning and evening. Thank you, I’m going to bring this up to my doctor as well!


PromptElectronic7086

Ok I'm glad to hear that. Sleep deprivation can definitely exacerbate it. Your husband may need to play a more significant role in the care of your child to ensure you get enough sleep to be well!


fallendancer

Don’t feel bad using ear plugs. I’ve gotten the Loop ones since they are decibel lowering and I’ve felt myself not be on edge as much from mines crying.


treadaholic

So those actually work? I've seen the ads, but I don't trust many ads I see.


fallendancer

They are decibel lowering so I can’t hear muttering or under the breath sounds but I can hear noises. I’ve learned in motherhood mess and noises overwhelm me. These bring a calmer level to myself. I had similar technologies when I was in pep band in college.


treadaholic

Any idea how they compare to earplugs? We've started a screaming phase here in my house and I'm going crazy. I've always been easy to overwhelm with sounds and mess as well.


fallendancer

Loop is a specific brand of ear plugs. If I just grab foam ones from work (construction) it muffled everything. My loop ones don’t muffle voices and sounds for me. It’s work a try for you. Pretty sure Amazon accepts returns on them….


Meldanya44

Loop have a 100 day return policy if you don't like them, but I really love mine. They just take the edge of the noise, but still allow for conversation and other things.


DiligentPenguin16

If he's eating and acting normal then he should be ok. If he had a head injury he would be acting noticeably different or unresponsive. Your husband **needs** to start pitching in more with the night feeds. This is non-negotiable. You *both* are working right now - just his job is at the office and yours is caring for the baby- you *both* need adequate sleep to function. If you are not getting a decent amount of sleep you will not be able to properly care for the baby. My suggestion is to split overnight baby care duties into two shifts: for example one person is responsible for all care from 9 pm to 2 am (second shift person goes to sleep around 9), the other from 2 am to 7 am. That way you *both* are getting at least 4-5 hours of solid sleep a night. Your husband also needs to step up when he gets home from work. He should be splitting childcare duties 50/50, not waiting for you to ask for help.


imadog666

More importantly, she needs to walk away when it's getting too much. You can't rely on other people.


hussafeffer

You gotta put some **oomph** behind it for SBS to occur. Like it doesn't happen from picking up a little more rough, it's *never* an accident. Baby boy is fine. You realized what happened, you know it wasn't a proper reaction, and you know you won't do it again. You absolutely are *not* alone in this, whether we realize it or not we've all been a little less gentle one time or another interacting with our child; it usually isn't even intentional, be it physical or emotional. No harm no foul, now just to learn from it.


kdh20

This. You’re a good mama. ❤️❤️❤️


shayden0120

I think you're baby is fine, a doctor told me that if my baby has SBS I would know it, I would be aware that I was shaking her hard enough to hurt her. It can be exhausting and trying, I slammed the door once because my baby girl wouldn't go down and I lost my patience, and immediately felt overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. You are okay. Your baby is okay. Just love him and realize your feelings are valid and this is only temporary. What I would recommend is having a discussion with your husband. Not the type where you say "I think I hurt our baby" and he says "the baby is fine" and you both move on. I think that you need to say that your baby is going through some type of growth spurt, that as your baby boy grows he will have periods where nights (and sometimes days) become rough, where he wakes more or demands more attention. Tell your husband that you appreciate that he helps with the midnight feed, and occasionally during the day, but that especially during these rough periods you may need him to step in more and when you ask (even if it's at 5am, even if he has to go to work in a couple hours) he needs to step in. Make sure that he knows that this is not just "so you can sleep," it is so that as the primary parent you can be a present and effective, so that you can be in a good state mentally (ppd can start anytime in the 1st year after birth!) and during the rough nights it is also for the baby's safety. Your husband would much rather be woken at 5am because you need to tap out as opposed to being woken because you need to take baby to the ER. My husband always tells me "if you need me to take over, just ask" and I would never ask during the first three months, then I reflected on why and couldn't come up with a good enough reason. My baby girl is 19 weeks and sleeping 11 hours straight now, sometimes we wakes for one bottle in the MOTN and the doctor gave me the OK to night wean her off of that. She started to wake less around 11/12 weeks, before that it was a handful of times here or there. Make sure your little guy is getting enough quality awake time, get in a little tummy time, talk to him and engage with him, go for walks, have baths, and I have found that the most important thing to ensure good sleep at night is making sure he gets lots of daytime calories and avoid letting him snack at night! It will get better!


koryisma

Sending you love.


Hashtaglibertarian

You are like the best type of mom friend ♥️


Jam-plant

I think it’s more repetitive shaking that does the damage, I think your babe will be just fine. Something similar happened to us when my babe was around that age, the lack of sleep really got to me and I forget if I slammed my hands on the bed beside her really hard out of frustration or changed her outfit with a bit too much aggression, honestly those first few months are all a blur, it really does make you feel like a pos. You’re not alone. It’s scary in those moments to feel like you’re a danger to your own child. The fact that you were so quick to snap out of it is a great sign, it’s when the rage takes over is the real danger I imagine. Don’t beat yourself up about it, you’re doing a great job, Mama.


Elismom1313

That was my understanding too. We have a baby gravity bouncer that my kid learned to like *thrust* himself back and forth in and I was honestly a little worried but the pediatrician seemed pretty unconcerned.


darcendale

You definitely need more help. I remember being in this position. My son woke up every hour for the first year and a half of his life and I was at the point where I was hallucinating. You said your husband only does the midnight feed, unless there’s a legitimate reason for why he isn’t doing more he needs to be. The health and safety of both you and your baby should be the number one priority. I hope you get some rest ❤️


Practical_Lady2022

We parents tend to overextend ourselves. Other posts give the same advice, walk away. Some friends were using noice cancellation headphones to find some inner peace. Rooting for you


[deleted]

Baby is fine. Shaken baby syndrome is deliberate and violent. But your partner NEEDS to do more. It doesn’t matter if he’s tired too. Doesn’t matter if baby likes you more. Doesn’t matter if he works 15 hours. Doesn’t matter. He is the father and you are beyond exhausted and it is becoming a potentially dangerous situation. No one faults you. And a lot of us have been there - so tired, we wanna scream/throw something/vomit etc. Last time I was beyond exhausted and baby was inconsolable and refused to sleep for longer than 40 minutes stretches and I felt myself losing control, I went and woke my husband up and asked for help. He immediately got up and took over. I did not feel an ounce of guilt for asking my husband - the father of my children - for help. And neither should you.


ankaalma

Are you getting help overnight? If not, it’s time to get help, especially given baby is having bottles. If you already have help maybe you need to shuffle around the shifts and your current times don’t work well for you. From what you’ve described, I doubt baby is hurt. Is he awake, alert, and fine now? In the future if angry it’s best to walk away and if possible to wake someone else up to help. My husband and I tap in for each other all the time when one of us gets overwhelmed.


starzoned

Please tell your partner he needs to help more. My husband stepped up when I was exhausted and struggling. He works full time but sometimes the working parent needs to help, it could go very badly if he doesn't. You need more rest. Rooting for you.


hypnochild

You are not alone in this feeling. The never ending frustration that leads up. You are not the only one who has felt this way. A similar thing happened to me where I put baby down but maybe more forceful than I meant to and I just felt awful. I had been dealing with mega feeding problems and issues and was so insanely frustrated. We are human and we make mistakes. But sometimes things like this can be a bit of a wake up call. If you’re getting frustrated to the point that you described then it means you’re way too overwhelmed and you need help! It’s ok to need help in the form of whatever that may be. I needed it. After my experience I realized I wasn’t able to calm myself down enough and I needed medication to be able to get past that stage. Also turns out I have ADHD too and things made me frustrated insanely fast. You can’t change the past but you can change the future. No one is perfect and let this experience help you. I wish you the best.


16042020

Unfortunately, I work with shaken babies. That doesn't happen from one rough pick up. Of course we all know what to do and what not to do. But sometimes something happens.... Keep an eye on him, but don't panic too much. That no longer makes sense. Invest in noise canceling and count to 10 next time.


chickiebear

I started to cry when reading your post. Motherhood is hard and sleep deprivation is too real. You and your baby are doing great. However, you know this isn't sustainable. I hope you are able to offload some of this gigantic weight. If your husband is feeling stretched with work and you can afford it, look into getting help from a postpartum doula. They can give you a few hours of respite a week so you don't stretch yourself too thin.


johnnylawrwb

I spent two years in law school working on a shaking baby case so I'm sadly super familiar with the science. I can basically guarantee you did not do enough to cause SBS, which, btw, was based off of science that strapped monkey to chairs and secured everything but their head and slammed them into a wall pretty much. The science behind SBS is faulty. It's not necessarily shaking, either, it's sudden deacceleration. So falling off of a chair 3' high and hitting their head could cause what is normally considered SBS. To really cause SBS via shaking you need to mean it.


208breezy

The monkeys 🥺


johnnylawrwb

Yeaaaaaa it's horrible. But I also have a list of falsely imprisoned men who were convicted on faulty science spending life in prison for killing their baby that is 100% inconclusive so it's garbage all around.


twocatsanddog

A lot of this is based on the shaken baby syndrome video I had to watch to get my first baby discharged from the NICU (two years ago but I’m not sure how old the video was so it may or may not be good still). But the video said that shaken baby syndrome is caused by shaking the baby so hard and so long that their brain hits the side of their skull repeatedly. It makes sense when you think about it - one concussion can be a big deal for an adult, now imagine an infant getting a couple and it’s an even bigger deal. Grabbing your baby roughly once probably didn’t cause a concussion and the fact that he’s acting normal today is a good sign. But it sounds like you aren’t getting enough sleep with baby’s growth spurt and it’s time to renegotiate night bottles with your husband. This might depend upon your usual sleep schedule for timing but your husband should be doing more than 1 bottle at night. Yes, even with him working. Even if it’s every other night or something, it shouldn’t be on you to have your sleep interrupted all the time. Tonight, you should have a talk with your husband and go to bed early, have your husband take all of the bottles between you going to bed and midnight. That way you can make up some of your sleep deficit with some uninterrupted sleep.


Nxffy

And further information here also [how to cope with crying baby](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/caring-for-a-newborn/soothing-a-crying-baby/)


Little_Bear_622

Unless you shook him, he's fine. I had the same thoughts with mine when I had to fight his car seat one time getting it out of the car and he got jostled. I was panicking. I took him to his doctor the next day and she said as long as he's not physically shaken (think back and forth) then he's fine. But if you're ever concerned, just look for any behavior changes or signs of head trauma. (Overly sleep or lethargic, vomiting, etc)


Erger

Yeah, babies are pretty resilient. Every person alive today was yanked or jostled at least once as a baby, whether it was a fender bender or a sibling that was a little too rough. One incident is unlikely to cause permanent damage. I agree on watching for signs of head trauma like you mentioned. Since OP's baby is acting normal, I wouldn't be concerned, but if she's really worried she could have him checked out. Just for peace of mind. Also, I would recommend looking for a different sleep/feeding/care routine. Sleep deprivation is normal for parents, but if it's affecting you this badly you might want to change something. Would it be feasible for your husband to take a few more feedings? Or could you maybe hire a night nurse/mother's helper? It wouldn't have to be all the time, but even one night a week of good sleep could really help.


pidgeononachair

The force you gave doesn’t sound like more force than a big bounce in your babies stroller. Think about the forces we don’t worry about- your baby is fine. But please give yourself a bit of respite, we all know that if we are starting to be unable to fight the urge to be a bit rough then we need someone to give us the opportunity for an uninterrupted nap.


GingerlyAce

I had my baby in the carrier whilst mopping the floor when I managed to drop the handle. To keep it from hitting the floor and waking her I put my foot out to catch it, and the sudden movement caused her head to jerk backwards. Like you I was horrified, and kept apologizing and checking up on her for hours. It's been weeks, and she seems fine. She hasn't started her sleep regression yet, but at 11 weeks I can probably expect it any day now. Do you have any chance to breastfeed him? When I do breastfeeding at night she falls asleep whilst feeding (we co-sleep and I do not wake her to burp her), so she's only awake for maybe 10 minutes. If not, could you make him finish the bottle in bed and see if he falls asleep then? If the bottles are formula, how do you make them? We have a bottle of ready made formula in the fridge (it keeps through the night if the hygiene is good and you cool it down fast). We boil half the amount of water we need, mix in the according amount of powder and then mix that with about the same amount of cold formula. This saves a lot of time for us. Also, there is no need to change diapers every time he wakes unless he has pooped. Sleep deprivation is one of the hardest parts of motherhood. I hope sleep gets better soon, for both of you.


dor_dreamer

Oh hun. Hugs. I can't tell you how many times my bub's head 'flopped' when he was little and for whatever reason I wasn't being ***super*** careful with supporti g his head. Worse still, one of the early times my Dad held him (maybe around 5 weeks?) he was passing him back to me and knocked the side of bub's head into the wooden chair back. Hard enough to make a thud. My son is now 10 months, and the happiest little guy. He is perfectly healthy and way ahead in his motor development than the other bubs in my mums group. SBS requires EFFORT - repetitive, fast accelerations and decelrations (I.e. back and forth). What you describe doesn't even sound close. More importantly, who is in your 'village' that can help? Parenting, especially newborns, is hard and was never meant to be done alone, or even just by the two parents - that's a modern thing. It can be hard to have that tough conversation with your husband but it is worth doing (and doing again, if need be). Also look into paid help if it is financially viable.


jfp216

Thank you, that does make me feel better. I’m keeping a close on my baby and he seems to be acting normal. I am going have a talk with my husband after he gets home from work about stepping up more especially at night! My mom is coming over today to help as well, and my mother in law lives 5 minutes away. I am going to be conscious about asking her for her more too!


JonnyEcho

Just step back, walk away. A baby crying cause he’s hungry for an extra few minutes is better than a hurt baby. You also need some relieve, if you can have someone watch him while you go get a pedicure, go to a store to even buy groceries helps just get out of the house for some you time. Home visitations if your healthcare has them are a great way to feel understood, you are in a hard spot and it’s okay to feel frustrated, tired, down. They’ll come in take the baby weigh them feed them and just that let bitnhelps a lot. Lastly, if the baby is being fussy, lethargic, not feeding, or in general acting different, vomiting. Those are signs that the child may need to be seen by a physician. Infants are super delicate but surprisingly resilient. Don’t do it again. You are a great mom. Get help if you can to give yourself a break you deserve.


BlackHeartedXenial

It’s moments like that where I find myself compassionate to those who DO injury their babies. I see how that if I was wired differently, didn’t have the intellect/motivation/support…etc. How easy it could be for a rough pick up to switch gears. The simple fact that you are aware and feel badly means you’re a great mom.


Inevitable-Channel85

I had such a hard time with my baby when he would go on nursing strikes and would cry so hard and then refuse a bottle even though he was clearly starving when he finally took it. We did paced gently feeding and everything, but I nearly lost my goddam mind and set him down a bit too harshly and he wailed so much louder. I can't believe I did that and i feel so guilty about it now that he is 1 and thriving. My advice, YOU need headphones or earplugs. It's a must. If you think this could be reoccurring, you may need meds to cope. Do not try and feed if the baby will not take the milk. Go for a drive with a soother or bring your stroller in the house and wheel him around, put him in the bath and give a massage. All with your music on. Try football hold and walk around the house. Lie in bed with him where he's on your chest on his tummy and you're at an incline and pat his bum. Or walk around with him in a carrier with music on, again him facing you so he can hear your heartbeat. Play white noise or lullaby music. I know it's hard and there is no shame in letting your doctor know how hard and high needs your baby is.


Havinley

I second the headphones advice! I put my LO down so rough one night and it scared me so bad. I could actually see how shaken baby happens and I had to walk away and cry. I bought a pair of Bluetooth headphones and they helped so much with my mental health. I could still hear LO but it was muted and not so overwhelming. I would listen to podcasts or calming music or audiobooks. Those headphones got me through the tough days.


rochiethevildechaya

if you didn't shake him he doesn't have shaken baby syndrome. he sounds like he's fine don't worry


Nxffy

In the UK we are told about ICON and here is a link - it’s an acronym or whatever you call it x [ICON](http://iconcope.org/advice-for/parents/)


beez8383

I had a fall while holding my baby and threw her onto the couch so she wouldn’t hit the floor-she kind of bounced a bit and I too was worried about shaken baby syndrome-happy to report after calls to the nurses line and observation for many hours, baby was totally fine. It does take a lot of deliberate force to cause that kind of damage. That being said though-you need to manage your emotions-you need hubby to step up and take on more responsibilities of parenting so you can rest, you need a plan of action for when emotions are too big, such as put baby in cot for 5 minutes while you compose yourself and you need to speak to your health care professionals if you feel anxious/depressed/unusually stressed.


jfp216

I agree, I lost control of my emotions. I have been good about being aware of them throughout the last two months (stepping back when I need to, putting him down so I can breathe, etc). I take anti anxiety medication and go to therapy. I believe this morning was due to exhaustion, that’s part of the reason i was so upset was because I have not lost control like that before. My husband and I talked this morning but we are going to have a big talk after he gets home this evening about stepping up more. Thank you!


reincarnatedberry

I did almost the same thing once. He was just crying and crying, wouldn’t eat didn’t want to be held or put down. I just remember bear hugging him and jumping up and down asking him to stop. I did that for maybe 10-15 seconds and then I just burst into tears realizing I could of hurt my baby. Get the help you need! I never did and looking back it was one of the toughest years of my life. If you ever need to vent please message me


harjotwillmadeit

When my girl was few hours old ,she spit out some milk . My terrified husband started shaking her gently to bring the milk out . Fortunately a nurse saw and stopped him . She explained everything about shaken baby syndrome . My husband became guilt ridden and afraid that he’s done something wrong to her . However the nurse explained in SBS babies are shaken quite violently . Don’t stress dear , for peace of mind you can talk to nurse on call or any other telephone based hospital service . They will put your mind at ease . I have been through this ,my baby use to scream constantly , put your baby down and walk away , gather yourself and come back with fresh mind


Fair_Pianist9466

When my son was a newborn, I think within the first four weeks but can’t remember exactly, my husband awkwardly handed my baby to my grandma and she almost dropped him and his head/neck jerked and it was scary but he was okay. He is now a wild, super active and very smart almost two-year-old. Try to have compassion for yourself. The newborn stage is so extremely difficult. I was in your shoes and feeling those feelings. Please reach out for assistance if you’re able too. Sending you love.


No-Map672

When my oldest was born I was living in an apartment with a roommate. My husband was working over the road and we technically didn’t live together despite being married. So one night early on my son was crying. I had done a bottle and changed his diaper and done what I could to sooth him. But I became stressed because I was worried about disturbing the roommate. I put him down on the bed next to me a little rough. It was enough to make him stop crying for a second then start a whole new cry. I immediately felt horrible. I can tell you nothing was wrong from my actions and moving forward I worked to be a lot calmer. Take this as a lesson to be calm. And ask husband to take a little more overnight duty. Like trade off. You need some rest and he needs to step up more consistently.


Cocotte3333

Fuck this happened to me too. Don't worry unless you shook him.


hemotrophic_wee

There’s a reason we have to all take a class on shaken baby syndrome when we give birth. Because when we are severely sleep deprived and healing from the biggest traumatic medical experience we WANT to shake the baby 😂 he’s fine I promise.


aspenrising

Never touch your child out of anger, frustration, or rage. If you aren't calm enough to be gentle and patient, it is better to leave them to cry BRIEFLY, than it is to accidentally hurt them. Even with no shaken baby syndrome, you could cause whiplash or at the very least an achy neck or headache. He's just a baby...


wavybbq

This comment seems judgy but I agree with the notion to leave your baby and walk away if you need to collect yourself. A baby has never died from crying - it’s hard to walk away from them but sometimes it’s the safest thing to do. Your partner needs to be helping more during the night. What we do is he is the first to get up / change the diaper, then he’ll hand the baby to me to feed since I EBF. Teamwork, and it’s helpful that I can stay in bed. We’ve also tried shifts, you have to find what works for you, you cannot do this alone.


Nxffy

Yes you should always place baby into crib when overwhelmed and walk away, it’s okay to let them cry a little bit, while you reset take a few deep breaths


Practical_Lady2022

Really unhelpful comment, she already knows what you’re saying. She is asking for help. Emotionally and mentally too. Makes me think you’ve never experienced parenting


aspenrising

I offered advice. I have never done this to my kid, if you have and think it's normal, you need therapy.


gigibiscuit4

Super judgey. A tired, anxious, and overwhelmed mom probably could do without the condescension in this comment. We've all been there in one form or another. Let's build each other up. OP, baby is gonna be okay. Don't forget to take care of yourself too. I did this with my baby and was horrified and anxious for days about it. But now that this has happened, you'll probably act differently next time. Forgive yourself.


newmomalertt

No, we haven’t all been there. Babies die because parents can’t control their anger. Parents do not need sugar coating, we are ADULTS. She didn’t come to reddit to get babied, she needs to see the reality of it. & This comment kept it real & that’s ok. There is lessons and lessons about this…


gigibiscuit4

We've all been exhausted? We've all been stretched to our limits? We've all been first time mothers?


aspenrising

Literally WHO all has been there?! I've never come close to hurting my baby. Don't become an echo chamber that normalizes this shit just because you were rough with a baby too...


frogsgoribbit737

And she is a very exhausted mother. There is a reason the purple period of crying videos exist. Those first few months are hard on everyone.


Puzzleheaded_Cry_227

you should consider bed-sharing - follow the safe sleep 7. only way i made it through those first few months


[deleted]

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Puzzleheaded_Cry_227

if she’s sleep deprived to the point of nearly irreversibly injuring her child she needs to look into other options


imLissy

Absolutely. People downplay the dangers of sleep deprivation


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Puzzleheaded_Cry_227

postpartum psychosis/depression from lack of sleep can have a much more gruesome outcome


Rumi_9371

I agree with this as something to consider. If your taking meds that can impact your sleep cycle, alertness or responsiveness probably isn't an option but if you arents it is something practiced around the world. Check out some of the more recent research: https://youtu.be/XCZzzqFkyiU https://www.naturalchild.org/articles/james_mckenna/biological.html


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