T O P
SeaOfDoors

I am willing to bet that the type of guy you're looking for wouldn't be caught dead on a dating site. You're seeing a lot of extroverts who love to be surrounded by people 24/7, including kids. My husband never wanted kids. He's an introvert and prefers to be alone. He likes kids but they exhaust him and they take too much time away from his "alone time." I feel the same way so we get along well as CF introverts living together, lol. My husband hated online dating and I met him through a mutual friend. You maybe need to look elsewhere for a CF guy? It's just a theory.


idunno324

I work a lot and thought online would be easier to find someone


SEVERE_O2_ALLERGY

You'd think that but online dating just gives a whole separate host of issues.


BillDauterive4

You're not wrong. Male here, tried online dating and had 0 luck finding someone who is and wants to stay CF. Gave up because it's not worth the time having to repeatedly explain I don't want kids, then have to start over with the next match.


SEVERE_O2_ALLERGY

Also in this boat. I haven't done apps in a long time. I've honestly had more luck getting out and meeting people the old fashioned way - totally randomly 😂


finance_girl6

Yeah I have pretty much given up on dating apps and I am relying on the old school method lol.


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

Yes!!!! I’m not a people person and I despise company or people in general. I’m a mix between April from Parks and Rec and The Grinch. 😌 I’m an introvert but I like talking and socializing to an extent.


calicotamer

Is it really easier to find dates in real life? I thought online dating would be easier since you can sort people more easily, whereas in real life most people want kids so 95% of the people you talk to in hopes of a romantic connection will be a waste of time.


SnakeyRattle215

In theory you would be right. Unfortunately, so many people play games and lie on dating apps. Plus tons of people on there are just messing around and not really trying to find something serious.


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

This! They probably tried it but it didn’t work for them.


Blahblah9845

Agree. My husband is the same way. I was lucky and met him at work.


No-Entertainer-9288

When I was dating I faced the exact same problems and I am male. It's just that childfree people are pretty rare in general. Don't missinterpret the fact that our reddit community has like 1000 active members. That's 1000 people around the globe. Not really much tbh.


McMerseybird

Indeed. Most staunch childfree people are women. But yeah, they are still a minority of the women you will meet in a pub or on a dating app.


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

Correct.


idunno324

Thanks that makes me feel worse


No-Entertainer-9288

I didn't mean to. But that's reality. If we childfree people don't errect a network, we won't find partners consistently. Remember, not only has the other person to be cf, but also everything else you want from a partner.


weedgoddess666

This sub isn't exactly a representation of all childfree people. I'll bet there's plenty out there who aren't on this sub or even on Reddit at all.


Muchruckus

Unicorn CF introvert here. Hesitant to jump on bumble/hinge dating apps due to the exact hassles you described. Wish this CF subreddit had its own dating app so people could eliminate at least some of the hassles and inconveniences.


idunno324

There is r/cf4cf but it's rare to find people near where you live


skeletonclock

And no one posts pictures


idunno324

Yeah!


no_ovaries_

I am in the exact same boat. I make it abundantly clear in my bios that I'm CF and totally sterile. I have actually started putting text boxes in my first profile picture over my body that says "I'm CF, I can't have kids, I don't date parents" so guys have no excuse to miss this detail. And still at least 25% of the people swiping on me are single parents (I'm using an app where you can see who liked you to get a sense of who is matching on me). I'm so sick of single dads aggressively pursuing me. I know what I am to them, I'm a maid/stand in mommy/cook/living sex toy that also provides them with pregnancy-risk free sex. It's a win-win for them and a lose-lose for me. If a man is down to violate one of my boundaries, like not having kids, just to initiate a relationship with me, how many more of my boundaries will he happily cross? I'm not going to find out the hard way. The last CF guy I chatted with was a mess. I live in the country, over an hour away from him, and made it clear I only date people with access to transportation. He talked up how CF he was and strung me along before telling me he didn't have a vehicle. Then got rude when I said I wouldn't do 3hrs of driving to make dating him work. It's like he assumed since he was CF I would be happy to shoulder a disproportionate amount of work, time and expenses to make a relationship work. I'm written off dating apps at this point. It's pretty clear to me now that the vast majority of people using dating apps are really struggling with themselves. I've had the most obscene and strange dating experiences this year, it's worse now in my 30s than when I was in my 20s. I've even had men hide their children from me just to get in my pants. I'm done. If there's a guy out there for me I won't find him on an app.


Hipster-Deuxbag

CF male here, thought about doing the same thing with a sign in my dating app photos since apparently starting and ending my profile with CF disclaimers is insufficient to stop breeders from messaging me. It's rough out there for all true CFs. Don't give up though, you still deserve a chance to find your person!


no_ovaries_

Jeeze you too eh! It sure is rough out here... even going that length doesn't keep the single parents away sadly. I've just started blocking them. Thanks, hope you find someone special too!!


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

I recently found an amazing guy at a park in NYC!!! I was just living my life! That’s when it happens. He approached me and fate started. If it happens, it will! He’s the best thing to ever happen to me. He loves me for me and only me. I don’t have to change for him. I left the dating apps a year ago and I’m now literally listening to love songs like a 12 year old.


MCalchemist

There are dozens of us out there! Dozens!


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

People are judgemental though.


CatWizard85

I'm a 100% childfree guy, but i don't use dating sites/apps, basically because the sole thought of meeting "normal" people exhausts me. If there was a childfree, introvert and slightly greysexual specific dating app, perhaps i would give it a try.


blulou13

Agreed... The combo of childfree, introvert, and anywhere on the asexual spectrum basically eliminates everyone.


FloppyMochiBunny

Ugh. I’m the same. CF, asexual, and introverted. Sometimes I think I’ll just be alone forever :/ Might as well just get a dog.


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

I’m an empath introvert, but I’m very sexual and I’m not single anymore.


Keyspell

Delusion, desperation, and an inability to accept the core insignificance of their own existence are a helluva drug


Glum_Shoe7959

Unicorn cf male (31) here with vasectomy.. I'm not on the apps.


ISeydouDat

Try posting on r/cf4cf. You may have better luck there since dating apps are a cesspool.


RedditRee06

It’s even more awkward when you hear about all the “successful” relationships where the partner also doesn’t want kids then suddenly change their mind. Now, the actual Childfree person (that will never change their mind) is stuck choosing to keep the relationship or leave because such a big change in route could throw the entire relationship off. Why do people do this to others?? Do you want kids or not?? And if you do, WHY?! I swear I’m not judging, I’m just genuinely confused and concerned. Are you really that damn selfish?? Do you want kids for yourself/family/to show off to the world?? Or are you having kids for the KID, so the kid can live their own life and do their own thing??


Zarad00

I am having the same issue, but with women. Very rarely do I come across a CF profile. But then I am currently living in the Midwest so I guess that explains it.


autistictheory

online dating companies have an incentive to show you profiles of people who are not a good match for you because then you stay on their platforms longer. You may have better luck finding childfree guys in hobby locations that take more time/money/commitment like rock climbing, snowboarding/skiing, kiteboarding/windsurfing, etc.


idunno324

That's messed up


V-RONIN

I agree friend we need a childfree dating app


FloppyMochiBunny

Childfree dating apps exist, I think (pretty sure there are 1-2?). The problem is finding anybody even remotely near your location...


V-RONIN

Oh man that sucks. Whelp I guess the fact that the apps exist is a step in the right direction. Maybe not a lot of people know about them.


username_joe

I wonder if a lot of men out there who think they want kids have even seriously thought about NOT wanting kids cause that’s what they’ve been brainwashed to think their whole lives. I didn’t know for sure that I didn’t actually want kids til I met my husband. I had always been influenced to think I wanted kids before. It’s a great feeling being so confident in knowing what you don’t want. Also I met my husband via online dating, he has zero kids and wants zero kids. They’re out there!


[deleted]

You also have to wonder how many of them use that line because they think all women want kids, and they think that if they're honest about not wanting kids, that they will never find someone.


-0l0l0l0l0l0l-

I married mine almost 20 years ago, we met on *gasp* AOL in a chat room They are out there. I'm just glad I married when I did before the dating field soured to what it is today


noforgayjesus

My child comes first...well I guess I won't be talking to you then.


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

I stopped online dating last year when I was accused of giving a guy an STD. You have to stay on there for years to find someone and it’s a lot of traumatizing dates. Haha. It’s worth it but it doesn’t work for everyone.


themaggiesuesin

Just to give you a little bit of hope I met my partner on Tinder and we are both CH and dog parents. We met when I was (37F) and he (a 39M). It is a perfect match! Close to the same age, neither of us have nor want children and we both have dogs. He truly was a unicorn and I often tell him how many dumpster fires I had to jump in to find him.


ory1994

I guess I lucked out here. Met my girlfriend on Hinge and even though it wasn’t initially brought up or explicitly listed on our profiles, neither of us wants kids.


derKonigsten

Hello here i am!! I am also fed up with all the single mothers that think being a mom living off welfare is a personality trait. "strong single mom. My kids come first. Blah blah blah." If you're so strong why can't you support them without assistance?


idunno324

Haha yes


new_refugee123456789

Yep. People suck.


J_J_O_O_S_S_E_E

I (childfree Male 35) removed myself from the dating environment because it's just too brutal. I decided to just enjoy my own company and live life the best way I can come up with. However, I do wish upon you that you do find a childfree partner that shares the same core values as you.


Blahblah9845

It sounds like they need a CF dating app!


Razoron_333_

Well still improving myself before I start dating again. While she was manipulative upon retrospect I found that I wasn’t giving enough time to her and have to calm my overall temper. I would sometimes scare her when I would hit myself cause from her perspective it was just a matter of time before I hit her. No one deserves to be scared like that so until I am confident I won’t do such things again will abstain from dating. Trying to remember the last that I hit myself. Can’t find any bruises so that’s a decent sign. Still need to calm my temper though.


bro_d8

Hey, are you okay?


Razoron_333_

I’m getting better. Was in a very bad place for a long time. To be honest I was prepared to be lambasted for this. So thank you for your concern.


420CatLuvr69

It seems most people in my age range (26-34) on dating apps already have kids or definitely want them. I do reasonably well with getting matches but after so many pointless conversations Id rather just leave it up to chance. CF guys exist, we’re simply tired of all the single moms looking for someone to take care of them.


idunno324

That's my age range too. Pointless conversations are draining


NewYorkerWhiteMocha

And this could be said for single dads looking for a babysitter!


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GuevarasGynecologist

Isn’t there one app with an option to exclude people who have/want children?


Cheletor

When I was online dating (married now) I got a message from a guy 10+ years older than me with kids. I told him thanks but no thanks, I have no interest in children. He told me he doesn't see them very often, like that would somehow make it better! Dude, my parents fucked me up and that's a big part of the reason I don't want kids. I don't need to watch someone else do the same


reddot409

I am giving up on dating as a childfree, gluten free and vegan (f27)


Kabexem

Me too (swap vegan for dairy free)


ElvenUnicorn

Can’t speak for all child free men, but as for myself dating apps are not a place I thrive in. Idk if I’m just haplessly awkward or if the girls I’ve matched with expect me to carry the conversation or both but all my conversational attempts flopped. I did get at least one women with a kid try and super match me but I had a similar 🤢 type reaction and swiped left with great haste.


anarchysoft

Check out https://alovoa.com


Tyr808

I'm a childfree guy, but yeah like other comments have said I'm not bothering on dating sites. I'm also not single but if I were on the market again I'd try to find someone through my channel of hobbies. Nothing against online dating, I've never tried it. If I was single during the tinder era I'd have totally used that as matchmaking for casual sex, but something about finding an actual partner on those sites or apps seems far-fetched to me, but again no criticism at all to those putting themselves out there and using those services, rather that it seems like you can't avoid sifting through garbage people on them from everything I've heard.