You aren't "lying" about being trans. Anyone can choose to transition and live as a man if they feel it will be best for them. I have a lot of respect for older trans people like you (not that you're really old, but as a 20 y/o I know how much less representation there was years ago). It's good you made a happy life even if you couldn't be the gender you're comfortable in. Don't live for your husband's family, it sounds like you were a good spouse for their son while he was alive and that's all they can expect from you. It sounds like you have a lot of mourning to do. My family is very conservative Christian and coming out to them has been very difficult, but I'm happy I'm doing it regardless. You were forced to live as a woman for 34 years, you aren't going to immediately wake up and feel like a manly man and think of yourself as one. You have to think about what you want. Do you want to live as a man? If so, don't let anything or anyone stop you.


Those of us who realized we were trans later in life have a different journey. We had to build a life around our AGAB for many years. Transitioning doesn't erase that life, and it doesn't mean you have to forget it. You can be proud of the woman you were before, and still be happier as a man. You can have fond memories of living in your old body and still experience the joy of being your true self. It's OK if you want to still consider yourself having been a wife. In many ways I consider myself to have been a woman before I came out. I was a daughter, a girlfriend, a "woman in tech". And I'm not bothered by that. I still look at old photos of my former self. Sometimes I even still have dreams where I'm a woman again. But it's not longing or desire to be a woman - it's just a part of my life that I've internalized and come to peace with. Medically transitioning was by far the best thing that's ever happened to me. You've got this. Take all the time you need to sort things out.


Thankyou, that was something I really needed to hear.