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Bitbatgaming

Imagine little children coming to their house saying “trick or treat!“ and they see this sign and the neighbours yell this.. this is so rude and cruel


CuntArsonist

People always wonder why so many hardcore Christians are like this, but I think it's pretty obvious. It's things like the warped ideas about sexuality and masturbation, the belief that without the Bible and God people would be incapable of morality and lead empty unfulfilled lives, the view that this life and universe and world aren't important because heaven is the place they're supposed to be forever, thinking that another person deserves to suffer for eternity, etc. I could go on and on, but my point is, these beliefs result in a detachment from reality and humanity. They lead to the dehumanization of the entire species in the eyes of a fruitcake, often including even their own capacity for emotional strength, courage, and morality. They think we're "fallen", and that everything horrible in life exists as a direct result of our sinful nature, and without God we are these evil, sick, unworthy, disgusting creatures who don't deserve the incredible gift God has offered us. This is literal insanity lol


Bitbatgaming

Wonder what their thoughts are for giving Christmas and birthday presents to their kids?


CuntArsonist

If I had to guess, it probably starts something like getting their kid a shirt that says **Put Christ back in Christmas!** and making them wear it to school for the entire month of December. As for the gifts on Christmas Day, probably just a few books about Noah's Ark or the history of Dinosaurs and Humans coexisting. If they're super lucky they might get something like [this](https://images.app.goo.gl/tnh6vSfSrZuqW8qD9), but other than that they're probably outta luck.


Otherwise-Check-0

christ for arms Featuring 3 new edm songs lmao!


CuntArsonist

Written by the wildly talented and universally revered EDM artist Daldo! "A movie about an important lesson..." - Daldo In all seriousness though, that kid went through some traumatic ish, I mean they threw beans on him, can you think of a more sadistic and cruel method of bullying?


Otherwise-Check-0

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of the bean trauma.


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DrStrangererer

Wtf is a Daldo and why is it making EDM?


WorldFavorite92

And these kids actually have a vision lmao should have paid to have the DVD copies there


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halica84

Omg, I'm dying. That VHS cover is hilarious.


FunkyPete

The Puritans were violently opposed to celebrating Christmas (and actually banned it). There have definitely been some historical Christians who were opposed to both the religious and the cultural celebration of Christmas.


Bubblesnaily

Yup. I was in kindergarten in December and I was baffled by all the red and green and deer. My parents' cult, aka at the time in the mid-80's: Worldwide Church of God did none of the Christmas, Halloween, Easter, but did do many of the old testament holy days, but with their own blend of fruitcake and focus on religious vacationing tourism.


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Bubblesnaily

Yup, same. Passover yes, and Days of Unleavened Bread which is like a week of no yeast or baking soda/powder, so almost Lent-lite.


nidelv

Jehovas witnesses if I remember correctly.


saskmonton

No handouts!!!! This is White Jesus with blue eyes and blonde hair America


WorldFavorite92

But the nazis were socialist tooooo /s


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j3pl

If those poor kids want toys they should get jobs!


WorldFavorite92

Especially those less fortunate their hypocrisy knows no bounds


Visirus

Never celebrated my birthday really but we did celebrate Jesus's birthday with a cake. That's how we celebrated Christmas.


Wasatcher

I think it's because deep down they know they're losers so this gives them reasons to feel better than their peers. Even among others of their own faith this sign gives them a reason to look down on people. The majority of Christians aren't stupid enough to think Halloween is a satanic holiday.


CuntArsonist

That's right, It's not deep down or subconscious though, they believe *everyone* is a shitty loser, including themselves, but they are better because they do nothing but praise and submit to the great immoral dictator in the sky. This concept of believing humans are inherently pathetic and inadequate and can only have some value or salvation with God has the added benefit of releasing them from all accountability for their behavior and treatment of others, as well as any responsibility for the way their actions and decisions affect society as a whole. It's honestly an atrocious mindset and worldview, and it quite literally poisons everything around them.


Fatal1ty67

But then they want to die and be given all the shit in heaven that they refuse to allow themselves here on earth.


WorldFavorite92

They couldn't even spell patriotic, they definitely are losers who can't spell and cling to entitled morality fantasies


Equinsu-0cha

I'm pretty sure they are already like this a And religion is just a justification


happycamperii

They see themselves as pious, pure and therefore superior to everyone else. If there is a God and they do indeed face him for judgement, I don't think it's going to go their way.


yawaworhtg

I think it makes perfect sense


jwdjr2004

guess they're choosing "trick". welcome to america indeed, enjoy your free eggs and tp


Bitbatgaming

Plus they’re asking kids to get a job , when that would be child labour . This is just so evil on. So many levels


Ok-Strain-9847

Even funnier that they believe it is Satan's day.


Thuper-Man

Imagine saying you love Jesus in one breath, and then saying you don't believe in free handouts and socialism in the next.


Pitiful_Brief_6424

I just can't imagine my kids stopping to read a note.


MotherFuckinEeyore

Only satanic socialists read


yawaworhtg

Poor kids


rathemighty

> trick or treat It’s a list of options. Let the tricks commence.


DieMensch-Maschine

Jesus couldn't shut up about how much he hated the rich and handed out free food and healthcare without calling anyone a freeloader.


stievstigma

Yeah, but these people obviously worship Supply-Side Jesus.


Harold_Grundelson

Jesus, we need 20 barrels of wine - STAT! This water ain’t going to turn itself!


stievstigma

Oddly enough, a lot of these types of Hypochristians view drinking alcohol as sinful behavior. -Source: raised Baptist in the deep south


blackfire83

They twist themselves in knots to explain that the wine in Jesus' time was so weak that it didn't really count as sinful. No evidence for this, mind you.


SirArthurDime

Evidence is a satanic trick, all you need is faith!


smittykins66

And there are those who believe Jesus turned water into grape juice at the wedding in Cana.


yawaworhtg

We’ll pay you a dollar twenty five a day for it Jesus


Schmichael-22

Trickle-down Christianity?


yawaworhtg

The gawspel of welth


E420CDI

Pissing on everyone


ALERXST2112

American Jesus


stievstigma

Low-key illiterate, Evangelical Jesus. I know plenty of Christians who’ve actually read their book and do what Jesus said to do like, don’t judge, love thy neighbor, don’t prioritize materialism, help the sick and poor, etc. (i.e. try not to be a dick). I think one of the things that have lead to shithead Christians is when preachers conflate the backwards bronze-age law of the land with the “teachings” of Jesus.


tweedyone

Yeah, someone should just staple that part of the Bible to their door


Aderondak

Motherfucker was the original socialist/communist and these people act like He wanted them to hoard everything.


jipijipijipi

Well duh, that’s why they tell them to find Jesus, he’s the one with the free candies.


chellebelle0234

Somebody wasn't loved as a child, geez.


CuntArsonist

More like someone was taught as a child that they weren't deserving of love and that they are an unworthy sinner, but it's ok because this abusive monster who made you but is DEFINITELY not responsible for fucking you up loves you so much that as long as you constantly praise and worship him, he won't send you to a place he made where you'll suffer for eternity. These people truly don't even live in the same reality as everyone else


teeter1984

![gif](giphy|Dv3sF2ZUTmVtm)


an_ill_way

"We don't give handouts to lazy entitled freeloaders!" Do ... um. Do you put money in the dish when it passes around in church?


nidelv

>Do ... um. Do you put money in the dish when it passes around in church That is different. That is for God's work, and helps pay their ticket to heaven. (And the pastor need a new private jet so he can spread the gospel more efficiently)


GirthBrooks117

Jesus: help the poor and give away your riches to enter heaven. Christians: FUCK YOU FREELOADING KIDS! YOU WONT GET SHIT FROM ME YOU SATANIC LITTLE FUCK WITH YOUR SPIDER-MAN MAN DEVIL MASK ON!


theanti_girl

Also love the “Welcome to America” because… what? Are they trying to say there are tons of freeloaders in America? Or “get your shit together, because we don’t freeload in America”? Either way, use those same words they love to tell others… if you don’t like it, leave.


GirthBrooks117

I’m willing to bet these people receive government assistance too. Just projecting their own insecurities. The biggest freeloaders I know are business owners that pay their employees peanuts while buying their fourth vacation house.


Elder_Scrolls_Nerd

Which spends stupid amounts of money on Halloween


kw43v3r

I need to find Jesus? Why? Is he handing out candy?


Leeleeflyhi

Silly, only devil worshippers hand out candy


Embarrassed-Cicada27

Well in that case, Ave satani... here's a snickers


WorldFavorite92

No he only gives out eggs, but if you're lucky you might find money in them,then you won't need a job you satanic socialist freeloader /s


Lysdexics_Untie

That's how you know he's a real O.G., he's willing to give out eggs in these trying times.


WorldFavorite92

Shite true dat


khakiwallprint

It's a jumping off point


LadyOfMay

Jesus canonically gives out free bread, wine and fish. Jesus is a total bro. Very socialist. I quite like Jesus actually. Not so much the "Christians."


I_am_not_JohnLeClair

Jesus gives out full sized candy bars


sleepytimejon

He probably would have, which is the ironic part of all this.


zandsburn

Imagine telling a 6 year old in a pikachu costume to get a job.


carpathian_crow

“And that night I started my career as a demolitions expert when I removed their mailbox from the post”


srcoffee

That’s not very Christian of them


CuntArsonist

Right, that's definitely the line, but after their behavior and views over the last few thousand years, we should probably start saying, "That's very Christian of them"


quixoticquail

I hope the house gets egged


BedderDaddy

Trick it is then...


NEMESIS_DRAGON

I dunno, getting to egg this person’s house sounds more like a treat


CuntArsonist

Yup, this is how you RSVP for a trick in advance of Halloween


smallstone

As a Satanic Socialist myself, I would hand-out the eggs with pleasure.


[deleted]

I am as well.. But, instead of eggs, I will be handing out candy and allowing kids to indulge in the act of BEING KIDS and enjoying the best time of their lives! This means eating a ton of candy, going trick-or-treating dressing up as their favorite characters and above all... Not participating in a fucking death cult bent on destroying the world and everyone elses fun! Every day that I see more shit like this, I'm glad I left the church and rejected Christianity as well as organized religion.


LadyOfMay

Sign me up for the Socialist Free Will Party, get your eggs here!


GammaLambdaBeta

This house is absolutely getting egged


TheVirtualWanderer

I hope the TP is remembered, especially since these people are showing how much sh\*t is in their house.


TheeWoodsman

Shaving cream and maple syrup can also be a nice addition to the mailbox.


TheVirtualWanderer

Oh! I really like how you think! I agree, that should be on the list of things to do for this residence.


Bitbatgaming

Oh it will


WorldFavorite92

This year egg, if the sign persists next year dog poop


Nascent1

Man, they would be so angry if a bunch of people gave them free eggs all over their house. Very socialist!


icedteaandme

Me too.


[deleted]

Isn't bologna on car windshields rather detrimental. ... asking for a friend


IndifferentFury

A large amount of small confetti in the yard is fun for a season or two. It just doesn't go away.


Morisal66

There are way too many delusional idiots running around free.


Cheese_is_milk_loaf

They're just begging to have their house egged aren't they?


NEMESIS_DRAGON

They might as well spray paint a bullseye on their roof


WadsworthInTheHall

Someone is just begging for a flaming bag of poo on their porch.


LordAlrik

Agreed. Or burning sulfur


SoulEater360s

I actually like this sign. Take your kids there, let them read the message and show them that these people are the worst types and to *NOT* grow up to be hateful pieces of shit like them.


FloGiston

Christians sure are happy people.


VanillaBryce5

Honestly I feel a lot of pity for people like this. A person who is happy with their life and of sound body and mind would not do this. We really need more easily accessible mental health care in this country.


CuntArsonist

Oh absolutely, despite being a godless heathen, I am capable of being frustrated and disappointed in their behavior, while simultaneously feeling genuine empathy and sorrow for the obvious mental health issues they are struggling with. For the most part, even really awful people with no apparent redeeming qualities used to be innocent children who needed to be loved, protected, and encouraged. Unfortunately, chances are they were let down constantly and dramatically by the people they relied on, and were deprived of the opportunity to develop the skills necessary to create and maintain healthy functional relationships with other people. Many people chronically feel as though they don't belong anywhere and never will, and can't even comprehend the concept of self worth. This is kind of weird and random, but I think there's a music video that does an extremely good job of expressing some of the things I'm talking about, and though everyone I've shown it to has mixed reactions, if you've ever had that friend who's hilarious, reckless, and destructive, you'll see them in [this](https://youtu.be/NgsWGfUlwJI) video, desperately trying to avoid being alone with their thoughts, and in constant fear of calm and quiet.


ImTotallyFromEarth

What an incredible work of art. That video juxtaposed with that song manages to capture something substantial. Thanks for sharing.


CuntArsonist

Awesome, glad you liked it! Joji is truly something else, he has a beautiful voice and talent for songwriting, and his filthy frank/pink guy character is just hilarious and completely fucked up. He's gone through such a transformation since songs like [this](https://youtu.be/OLpeX4RRo28)


VanillaBryce5

Wow yeah that was a great video. Reminded me of my hometown.


[deleted]

I’ll bet they are a blast at parties.


jacket_with_sleeves

It's amazing how there is apparently no Christians that vote for anyone but Republican


jorbleshi_kadeshi

Well those wouldn't be *real* Christians, now would they?


Thisbymaster

That is so many words for "egg me".


fuck_all_you_people

Ummm.....Christmas was originally a pagan holiday you ignorant fuck


Weird-Engineer

Is this some type of evangelical themed haunted house. If so brilliant Idea!


Dark_Macadaemia

Truly terrifying!


merchillio

I’m pretty that giving treats to make kids happy is at the top of what Jesus would do. But since these people claim to love Jesus (not sure how often they read the Bible though) >But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God” (Luke 18:16). >“Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me, receives not me but him who sent me.” (Mark 9:37) >See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven (Matthew 18:10).


Trapezoidoid

“Please please PLEASE egg and TP my house! I am BEGGING you kids to fuck my shit up REAL good!”


cocorawks

Five bucks they pay more taxes to cover the expenses for their congressman mistress abortions


--_l

Jesus would tp this trailer


WorldFavorite92

Radical Jesus would be very based in calling out these hypocrites you'd love to see it


beerg33k

Ahhh that classic Jesus message "fuck you I got mine"


craftycontrarian

They misspelled patriotic and put a $ for the S in Christian. This has to be trolling.


WorldFavorite92

One can hope, sadly some religious folk are really this unhinged


cydalhoutx

Would totally egg that house


clever_username23

The funniest part to me is that Halloween is a christian holiday. It's All Saints Eve. Like how are they this "christian" and don't even know their own holidays?


Puzzled_Static

And these are the houses we would egg non stop for the rest of the year. It’s kids having fun morons. Had some people like this in my neighborhood growing up.


WorldFavorite92

These are the kinds of people who's only fun was probably Sunday school and now they are small minded and bitter


Farrell-Mars

So it turns out Jesus has their candy.


kremit73

And i say to you, the only way to a snickers bar is thru me


darkhorse21980

No handouts huh? Then I hope they returned the stimmy checks from 2020, lest they be hypocrites!


biffmangram

And, judging from the handwriting, the social security checks they get every month and need to continue their bitter, hateful existence. I'm sure they're not on Medicaid, either.


AcceptableResult1818

This house gets egged, guaranteed.


fungus909

That door needs some eggs on it


sircrispin2nd

What if they showed up as 3 day dead zombie Jesus?


SukaroBlue

What a fun household I’m sure their kids will want a relationship with them when they grow up.


-Eastwood-

What capitalism and religious dogma does to a mfer


GidgetTheWonderDog

Message clear: Find Jesus, he has the candy.


whyamithebadger

This is so sad. My family didn't do Halloween when I was little, but we just used to turn all the lights off and pretend we weren't home. (That was also sad. This is sadder though.)


EZasSundayMorning

Sounds about Christian.


Tardigradequeen

I used to live near a family that was like this. On Halloween, you’d their kids sitting on their porch, looking longingly at all the happy children trick-or-treating. I felt awful for them!


ArsenalSpider

Wow, if Jesus was alive today he’d have a sign just like that one because Jesus was all about hating your neighbors.


FunkyPete

Jesus was well known for refusing to hand out food, of course. And ranting about lazy entitled freeloader children.


Arcon1337

Attention all Christian priests! Stop asking for money at congregation and GET A JOB!!


billyyankNova

And you just know that these people leave their outdoor lights on so people come up the walk to read this drivel.


Nicolesy

They’ll probably still leave their porch light on just to harass and terrify the trick-or-treaters.


Elder_Scrolls_Nerd

“Welcome to America” you mean the country with one of most spending and celebrating Halloween? And I think finding Jesus was a request cause clearly they haven’t


torinblack

How the fuck am I supposed to find Jesus on Halloween? He's probably dressed up like a sexy nun or something, I'll never see through his costume.


Middle_Data_9563

ask them about Jesus feeding 5,000 people with a few loaves and fishes


TheAgeofKite

Matthew 19:21 Jesus told him, "If you want to be perfect, go and sell all your possesions and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”


Hello_Mr_Fancypants

They should have just written "Egg this house" its a lot shorter.


Thepuppeteer777777

lmao it says satasic


yokayla

Poor kids in that home


Rmlady12152

October 30.


grilled_chez_monster

If i was a child and read this sign i would 100% not be seeking out Jesus after this. Also the fact that Jesus canonically would have *absolutely* given children free candy is pretty ironic for this patriotic christian family!


BecomeMaguka

Time to embrace Trick. You know the score, give the children candy or they will commit property crimes against you. You've chosen Trick.


smitty3z

If you have a friend named Jesus have him come with you to their house, let them know you found Jesus, and ask for candy.


gaspronomib

Jesus quit his job and was homeless. He sent His disciples around to beg for food. They'd have loved Halloween. Christ would have been like "hand me the kit-kat, for I will snap as many pieces off as there are followers in my flock." And they did thus, and afterward they gathered up the remaining pieces, and there were four pillowcases with full-size snickers. And He spoke to them, saying "eateth those not tonight, for thou art hyperglycemic and on the verge of ketoacidosis."


Ima_Funt_Case

My favorite Jesus quote; "Piss off you dirty commie freeloaders, I'm busy grooming the next generation of loyal worshippers."


RandomComputerFellow

I am sure if Jesus was an Republican, he wouldn't have shared his bread with the poor but just would have told them to get a job.


Roomybuzzard604

I can already imagine the amount of eggs that are gonna get thrown at this house


Last_Tarrasque

Satanic socialist is the nicest compliment I’ve gotten all day, fear the Marxist necromancy


Jidaque

How to get your house egged?


IndianKiwi

The norm is that if the house doesn't have halloween decoration then assume they are celebating it. Hopefully these idiots won't. Way too make the asshole of the neighborhood though


AllISeeAreGems

This has whiffs of ‘and everyone clapped’ to it imo <.<


Manofalltrade

You want me to find Jesus for you? Who’s the freeloader now?


mazzivetalent

I close my eyes and I imagine a world with no Republicans and all the racist boomers have gone to their resting place south of hell. And when I woke up from this beautiful daydream I had a raging boner look like a flagpole


twitch1313

Come to my Satanic Witch house,we give out king size candy bars


harquinn666

Tell me you want flaming dog crap on your lawn without telling me you want flaming dog crap on your lawn


Bucket-O-wank

In the UK Hallowe’en is more of an imported celebration to our arguably more ‘satanic’ isles. We prefer to burn Catholics over here in the autumn.


WellWellWellthennow

Guess they missed the part of the Bible where Generosity is a Fruit of the spirit.


Dark_Macadaemia

They're out here acting like "satanic socialists" don't also pay their taxes😂


The-First-Crusade

Also forgetting that Halloween is a Christian holiday.


WorldFavorite92

I got a job found Jesus and all I got was eggs?


Zerostar39

It must really suck to be part of a religion that basically forbids you from enjoying life.


Skaraptor2

I can't even tell what they're trying to oppose


ImTotallyFromEarth

What’s a patrotic Christian family


Nok-y

Did Jesus have a job ?


Noxa987

Basically just a huge sign saying "We're huge assholes, come egg our house"...


mharsh

Who is going to tell them that All Hallows Eve/Day is a Christian thing ordained by the pope?


dexx4d

Satanic socialist here - we've got full sized candy bars this year, come to our house instead.


Madhighlander1

Please note that Halloween is about warding off the devil, demons, and assorted evil spirits, so by failing to celebrate it they welcome Satan into their house.


archSkeptic

Gotta say happy holidays in October to not offend these guys, I guess


satanic-frijoles

Way to crap on a tradition beloved by all except sourpuss crabby Appleton bible thumpers.


Shesalabmix

Jesus: an American notorious for no handouts.


MrsNoPants420

It’s kids and candy chill. I feel bad for the kids in that house


Duckflies

Lool this reminds me to a little story that happened with my friends and I on halloween. We were looking for candies, as 11 year old boys do on Halloween. Went to this apartment that had no decoration and a cross on the door, but we weren't thinking much about it. I was "dressed" as a student (didn't had nothing good to wear), my japanese friend was like a vampire and my mushroom-looking hair friend was like the reaper. With no fear and a lot of hungry for diabetes, we knocked the door for trick or treat. This old woman opened the door, but unlike the other old people on the condominium, this one was pretty rude. Didn't bothered us, as we were used to rudeness from each other and other people, but then the *husband* came along, with *a bible.* Started explaining that Jesus and God hated Halloween as it was about paganism and love for the impure, and talked about how my friends and I were going to hell if we continued with it. I mean seriously, a 50 minute talk about how we could be helped if we went to church and prayed. For a group of 3 kids *where 2 of them were already pretty christian and went to church every sunday.* In the end, they gave some papers with phrases from the bible, and finnally let us go. As three energetic kids who just lost 50 minutes of free drug hunting that needed that sugar overdose, we laugh out loud when were away from the apartment and completely ignored every single thing the couple said. We warned the other kids to not go to that house, the other kids warned the older kids, that ended warning the teenagers. We went, found more candies, and ended the night looking at the dark sky full of stars, as that was a place pretty far away from the main part of the city. Huh, good times...


notislant

They didnt need to tell me theyre Christian. Not being able to spell 'patriotic' already lets me know they're an uneducated cultist boomer.


PostmatesMalone

This is the home of a #PATROTIC ChRI$tiAN Family!


augustprep

So do they pay the little Jesus crackers and wine, or are those given to them every week?


Toad_Migoad

I’d read this and still walk up and ask


FactsLogicReason

Damn 3 year old kids with no jobs, expecting free candy to survive on for the coming year. Go get a job like the adults do! Pay your damn taxes!


9CentNonsense

If kids in Halloween costumes asking for candy gets you this worked up, maybe consider counseling. Nobody should be this easily triggered, it's a huge red flag that your mental health is off. You want some preaching about America? Where tf is this person's family? This sign just screams "lonely and mentally ill." Well how about this individual gets some help from the people around them? I thought "good Christian" Americans knew how to take care of each other.


smilelaughenjoy

Jesus did not say "*no hand-outs*" and "*get a job!*" to those who needed help. That is not a teaching of Jesus. Jesus said to give to everyone: > "*Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you. And unto him that smiteth thee on the one cheek offer also the other; and him that taketh away thy cloke forbid not to take thy coat also.* **Give to every man that asketh of thee**; *and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.*" - Jesus (Luke 6:28-30)


ncshooter426

I feel bad ya'll... can someone fill me in on when Satan's day is? And should I like...buy a gift or something?


winkytinkytoo

All Hallows Eve is Satan's Day? Someone needs to tell the church.